Upside of Your Dark Side, The MP3 CD – MP3 Audio, September 25, 2014

This book was written by a pair of psychologists who thought that the excessive focus on good and positive feelings in positive psychology was a little overblown, and that the value of so-called "negative" feelings or aspects of personality was being neglected. They do think that it's good for us to be happy most of the time, but that it will be even better for us if we have a flexibility that allows us to switch to non-happy states of mind when it's beneficial. They suggest an 80:20 ratio as a rough rule of thumb: be happy 80% of the time and non-happy 20% of the time. They call this philosophy "wholeness": a person is whole if they are able to flexibly tap into all aspects of their being when it's warranted.The authors offer a number of examples about the value of so-called negative states. Too much comfort makes us oversensitive to inevitable discomfort. Anger motivates us to act, fix injustices, and defend ourselves and our loved ones; guilt tells us when we've screwed up and motivates us to improve our behavior; anxiety helps us catch mistakes and take safeguards against risks. Happy people are less persuasive, can be too trusting, and are lazier thinkers. Intentionally trying to become happy easily backfires and makes us less happy; and there are situations where happiness feels inappropriate and will make others respond worse to you. Sometimes it's better to act on instinct or engage in mind-wandering than to always be mindful and think things through consciously. The "dark triad" traits of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy are all useful in moderation and provide benefits such as fearlessness and self-assuredness.The following paragraph from the final chapter is a pretty good summary of the book's message:"The basic idea is that psychological states are instrumental. That is, they are useful for a specific purpose, such as finding your car keys, being physically safe in a parking garage, negotiating a business deal, or arguing with your child’s teacher. Rather than viewing your thoughts and feelings as reactions to external events, we argue that you ought to view these states as tools to be used as circumstances warrant. Simply put, quit labeling your inner states as good or bad or positive or negative, and start thinking of them as useful or not useful for any given situation."While I liked the book's message and agreed with many of its points, I felt like it was mostly trying to tell a story that sounds plausible to a layman, rather than making a particularly rigorous argument. The authors tend to base their claims on isolated studies with no mention of their replication status; some of their example studies draw on paradigms and methods that have been seriously challenged (social priming and implicit association tests); occasionally they made claims that I thought contradicted things I knew from elsewhere; and some of the cited empirical results seem to have alternative interpretations that are more natural than the ones offered in the book. It's plausible that they are drawing on much more rigorous academic work and that the argument has been dumbed down for a popular audience: even granting them the benefit of doubt, the book still feels way too much like a collection of examples that have been cherry-picked to make the wanted points.Regardless, the book's general message feels almost certainly correct - after all, why would we have evolved negative states if they weren't sometimes useful? - so if anyone feels like they've been overwhelmed with too many messages of positivity, I would recommend this book for inspiration and an alternative viewpoint, if not for any of its specific details.

It's about time somebody said enough to the overselling of positivity. Please be clear that these authors are part of the positive psychology movement and have contributed a lot to it, but they make a great case for not going to the extreme in being positive and valuing your negative emotions. I loved the chapter about the obsession with mindfulness. As someone who is not naturally positive but who believes in not being too negative, I've decided over the years that some people like me just can't change their basic nature and this book gives us consolation that there can be advantages in certain so-called negative outlooks and emotions. They document their arguments with scientific research.This book is extremely well written and an easy and enjoyable read. It makes intuitive sense and I think will appeal to reasonable people who are tired of the happiness and mindfulness fads.Highly Recommended.

In my studies and work in positive psychology I've had a niggling feeling the name of my chosen field is unfortunate. So many of us have an image of what the word "positive" means and it can take us to, frankly, dangerous places. Kashdan and Biswas-Diener's book so eloquently and meaningfully shares an important lesson - the pursuit of happiness is, at best, incomplete....at worst, destructive.For many of us it can be counterintuitive to see value - an upside - in the feelings and experiences we don't enjoy. In this book the authors make the philosophical case, backed by extensive and compelling scientific research, that not only can there be an upside to the "negative" but our intense dedication to a life with only "positive" is superficial and incomplete.If you want a guidebook for feeling good all the time this isn't for you and, truthfully, it doesn't exist. However, if you seek a framework for depth and meaning in your life, a path to an upward trendline through the inevitable ups and downs of being alive, I can't recommend this book enough.

This book is like a melting pot. Take everything you’ve got and put it into one pot. Hopefully people will eat it. Many unrelated things, off-topic. Many contradictions. Many things not based in science. Asians put on a poker face, but they suppress their emotions less? Are you kidding me? Anxiety is bad, but we should not avoid negative emotions? People in poor countries are less happy - just to let you know, so middle class has nothing to do with this. Neuroticism - yes, it’s associated with less happiness, but it’s highly inheritable trait. And it’s quite stable across cultures. Plus, they said we shouldn’t chase after happiness anyways. Almost every page contains mistakes. I don’t like imposters either, but it seems that the authors pretend to be experts on the topic which they know very little about. Nothing about emotion regulation strategies. Nothing about hormones and how they are related to evolution and emotions. A huge mess. The idea is good, but the implementation is horrible. Plus, Seligman says that negative emotions are also needed, balance is the best. It’s just crazy.

This book made a lot of sense to me. It's impossible to be happy and mindful all the time. We have challenging emotions such as anger and guilt for reasons. Better to understand how your natural mind works than to try to shoehorn it into the latest psychological fad. This book is a breath of fresh air, and I recommend it.

An important, practical and rigorous retort to the scourge of simplistic "positive thinking".I have used this books with dozens of clients. People feel empowered and liberated by its message: being your Whole Self (not just 'happy', not just 'positive') is the secret to thriving and personal resilience.

Being American, none of the dark side stuff is particularly dark!However, it still makes for an interesting read and a timely reminder - before we all end up like the Americans - that all emotions are valid, not just the easy or good ones.

A healthy, and much needed, look at being human - "warts and all". Refreshing

Got the book faster than expected. Content of the book is very useful if you want to control your demons

Great - as described

loved it.