In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People Paperback – April 1, 2010

YES, YES YES!!!This little book does the job.I have read other books on similar topics which were good... but which just did not enable me to solve the problems or make the changes I was looking to make in my life.But THIS book actually helped me to SOLVE the problems and MAKE the changes.I wanted to highlight or scribble on every single page of this book.Dr. Simon "gets" what it is like to deal with the people he is talking about.But more importantly, he understands and explains the traits that we ourselves might be showing or the behaviors that we might be doing that make us like magnets for these folks.This book is straightforward and written for the layperson, so it does not bog you down in a lot of exposition and theoretical analysis.Dr. Simon writes clearly and is easy to read. One sentence logically leads to the next. This is not the type of book where you can skim whole sections without missing things.At first I thought I would not like the several chapters of examples. However, I later saw the method to this. As I read them, I not only recognized the behavior of the manipulators... I started to recognize my own behavior... and already in the examples, you can start to see where the victim is taking the wrong tack.... and your mind starts to see where the rest of the book is going to lead you.A few things really set this book apart, in my opinion:1 - the acknowledgement that some aggression is just that, aggression because someone wants something. It is not always because they're "hurt, damaged, suffering, etc etc etc" Sometimes they are just aggressive about wanting things.2 - the recognition that some of use have traits or qualities which in the best of all possible worlds would be desirable traits - like being caring, concerned, conscientious and not cynical - but which when faced with manipulators make us very easy targets. This explains why some of us end up with so many users, energy vampires or manipulators in our lives. When I recognized some of these traits in myself, I really cringed.Some of us are easy targets, and if we want change in our lives, we have to change and grow in certain areas. We cannot expect to make others change. WE have to change.3 - The recognition that we, the victims, can experience significant frustration and even depression from being manipulated. I so recognized the exhausted hopeless feeling he described.4 - The straightforward way Dr. Simon explains how our mind and our gut have a disconnect when we are confronted with manipulative tactics but cannot see or understand a logical reason or goal for it and how we allow ourselves to get fooled.5 - The simple but fantastic strategies that he proposes as Rules of Personal Empowerment. As I read these I realized that implementing these - which might not be easy for many people - would basically solve about 90% of all "people problems".A lot of it boils down to solid common sense and self respect. A lot of it entails all tidbits of all sorts of advice I had read elsewhere. But somehow it is presented through the prism of dealing with manipulative people and in such as way as to make it extremely compelling.But living by these rules really put a person in an excellent position in charge of their own life. These are all rules that most of think we would want to live by... but do not as well as we could.Reading this book was like a floodlight going off in my head and all around me.I literally changed OVERNIGHT and my life improved for the better. I did not need therapy. I did not need to think about it. I did not need a "process". I just needed implemented one of the strategies with a particular problem person in the way the he described and the effect was no less than stunning. I can only imagine my life continuing to change for the better.I have read several book on this and similar topics and THIS is the ONE book I will recommend wholeheartedly.If you currently have a problem dealing with manipulative people, then all the information in all the other books has not helped you.Get THIS book and DO what the book suggests - in fact, do it routinely and I would be very surprised if it does not change your life for the better.

After first doing years of my own therapy, followed by decades of spiritual practice and finally recently doing copious research about narcissistic personality disorder in order to heal ( or manage... or even survive!) a close family relationship that I don't want to disengage from, this book has provided me with seriously useful information and actionable insights to bring change to my interactions with this massively skillful manipulator/covert aggressor. From the beginning of the book, I found Dr Simon's approach and explanations to be unique and absolutely spot-on in terms of my experience. The text is clear, cogent, and for me full of aha messages. I highlighted parts of almost every paragraph. Even the middle sections that describe different clients suffering from this personality disorder were eye opening for me, mostly because it was all so very familiar. Many reviewers have noted that there is not enough background on why manipulators are the way they are. He does actually suggest some childhood circumstances that create this personality disorder, but does not dwell on this aspect for good reason. One of the weaknesses of a manipulator's victim is a tendency to explain away/rationalize/intellectualize/neuroticize/make excuses etc. for the manipulator and otherwise undermine our power by focussing on them rather than us. The strength of this book is that, while it does have an explanatory structure, it teaches the victim HOW to change her own behavior, which is really the only thing we can control. My experience has been that this immediately changes the relationship. It doesn't change the manipulator, but it empowers the previous 'victim'. The book really is chock full of positive advice and prescriptions for change which is what I so desperately needed.Yes, there are a few typos and spelling errors that were disconcerting to me at the beginning ("fairing" for "faring" etc.), and I did put the book down initially because of this - but the content was so useful that I went back and read it closely and actually took the time to write this review, which is very rare for me.