Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves

I have read and reread this book, and need to read it again. It is beyond my ability to describe the changes it can make in your heart and in your relationships. I have already given away a few copies, and this one will go as a gift to someone very special in my family. I recommend this to anyone who has ever wondered what they can do to enhance their relationships, relate better to all those they interact with or learn to forgive past hurts. It does not, contrary to what a few reviewers have said, suggest that we become doormats or victims in any relationship, but read thoroughly and completely it empowers us to grow stronger and become part of the solution. After reading this I picked up Leadership and Self-Deception, Anatomy of Peace and the Outward Mindset by the Arbinger Institute, which C. Terry Warner helped to create. They fit beautifully with Bonds That Makes Us Free

I love this book. I bought the hard copy and the the kindle edition to keep on my phone. Reading it helped me think about people in ways that are more generous and kind to people in general. It also helped me think about how I react to others in general. I don't reread a lot of books, but I try to reread this one at least once a year.If you are frustrated with your relationships, the people you work with, or even just the people in line at the store, READ THIS BOOK!One of the main principles:"Others will detect little clues of tone and expression, revealing how we really feel, even when we take pains to pretend otherwise....[T]hey're not likely to respond gratefully, but more likely to accuse us in return. And then we, in turn, will take offense, convince by their accusing response to us that we were right to accuse them in the first place!"It all goes back to the golden rule. If we treat people well and with genuine good will and charity in our hearts, they will react to us in kind. We can all take a few seconds to give someone the benefit of the doubt before accusing them of being out to get us as they cut us off in traffic, say something hurtful, or do something we don't like or understand.I actually had a major chance to apply these principles recently.I was in a bad car accident recently because someone dropped a queen size mattress on the freeway and I had to slam on my brakes and was rear ended. I was so mad at the stupid idiot who didn't take the time to properly secure their load and obviously didn't care about others. When the mattress owners showed up to pick up their mattress, not knowing they had caused an accident, they were a young married couple who probably didn't know that much about properly securing loads on a borrowed truck. Although there were consequences that needed to be faced, I was not killed or seriously injured, and I had been judging them as though they had intentionally dropped the mattress maliciously. I realized that I was wrong to think of them in that way. It was an accident. Everyone involved had insurance, and they probably learned a very valuable lesson from the experience.

I love this book and how it opened my eyes to my relationships and more importantly, how I respond to outside circumstances. It teaches how to effectively make the changes that will bring more control to your life, better relationships and made me happier. I couldn't recommend it more!At first, it felt like it was repetitive, but each lesson added nuances to situations and helped me to see myself more clearly. It was hard to do that without seeing some of the control and change encouragement along the way in the first half, but truly changed my life for the good! I think I went through an entire highlighter and will read this book again- and I never reread books! I also listened on audiobook.Last, I got this to help me learn more about codependency and how to change it. I learned the skills I was lacking and didn't feel a need for a therapist after learning this. What a blessing!

This is my FAVORITE relationship book I've ever read. It has changed my life in powerful ways, and I continue to use it as a resource and recommend it to anyone asking for ways to find greater peace in their lives and relationships. I learned so much about myself, and so much about how to find greater happiness and love with the people I interact with. The author is gifted with an ability to share stories and experiences that I related to, and I found myself having numerous lightbulb moments of understanding with ways to change my own behavior, thoughts, and feelings allowing me to have a happier life and relationships. I didn't know how much I needed this book when I began reading it, but it changed my life for good and has continued to be a strong foundation for the joy and freedom I experience today. I consider this book as a more in-depth version of The Anatomy of Peace and Leadership and Self-Deception. It's a life-changer!

I received this book as a gift - and wow - what a gift. There are self-help books and then there are books like this that illuminate issues at their roots. This isn't a book about action plans, 1, 2, 3 and you're all better, your life is optimized. It's a hard look at doing the right thing and at what happens when we don't do the right thing; how we start blaming and shaming others as an unconscious cover up for not doing what we knew was the right thing and how this circles out of control until we have lives filled with unhappy human encounters that don't encompass what we crave most - connection. No - this book is not your typical self-help book. I highly recommend it. Learning to evaluate our own self-betrayal and how that is at the root of our ill-fated interactions with people and NOT their behavior is a huge leap for human consciousness. I can't praise it enough. A beautiful piece of work.

It's hard to be honest with yourself & you'll need to go back to it time and again, but such an eye opener for those that want to open their eyes. Not too preachy either.

I bought this book after buying  Leadership and Self-deception: Getting Out of the Box  and  The Anatomy of Peace.: Resolving the Heart of Conflict . I think it is wonderful, it complements the other two books beautifully.These are fact-based books on the benefits of being authentic and realistic in communications. About releasing efforts to control and truly working with people. Nothing spiritual or new-agey, just good basic communications and psychology principles. Great for improving all relationships at home or at work.I also recommend the centre for non-violent communications principles in  Don't Be Nice, Be Real: Balancing Passion for Self with Compassion for Others  or  Being Genuine: Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real . Leadership and Self-deception: Getting Out of the BoxThe Anatomy of Peace.: Resolving the Heart of ConflictDon't Be Nice, Be Real: Balancing Passion for Self with Compassion for OthersBeing Genuine: Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real

a great help

Book came in the condition described, great book worth a read!

Really beneficial book, not like other relationship books that focus on the skill of communication but instead the intention of communication. Really enjoyed. It is a little complex on places, used some technical jargon but not enough that I felt I didn’t understand it.