The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read: (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)

This is an excellent book with a lot of great tips and pointers. It makes you take a look into yourself and reflect on your early childhood on your life. How you deal with situations how you cope and give you better navigating tools to be a better person.

Everyone is or has been at least one of these things: Parent, child, grandparent, grandchild, uncle, aunt, niece, or nephew. Most of us inhabit more than one of those roles, and they can define us, shape us, and not uncommonly, dominate our self-understanding in ways both good and bad. There is no shortage of specific advice to parents on subjects from children’s sleeping habits to discipline, and it comes in a vast range of qualities, from excellent to dreadful. A theme common to many of these parental-advice books is to frame matters in training terms: Sleep training, potty training, discipline training, and so on. While the training mindset may be useful for specific subjects a child needs to learn, it’s inadequate to the big picture of parenting. That’s what makes Philippa Perry’s “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read” a refreshing and highly worthwhile alternative to read. Perry, who practices as a psychotherapist and admits to her own parenting faults refreshingly and openly in her book, makes the excellent case that, fundamentally, “we should not see our babies, children, and teenagers as chores to feed and clean or otherwise fix but as people from the start, people we are going to have lifelong relationships with”. In an engaging and warm tone, Perry offers thoughtful and accessible advice useful not only for parents, but for grandparents, aunts and uncles, and even adult children as well. Over and over, she directs many of the common complaints and conflicts of adult-and-child interactions to the root cause of considering the underlying relationship. It’s hard to look at a newborn and imagine that in very little time at all, that diapered bundle of cries will turn into an adult. But the more deliberately the adults around that child consider their relationships with the child (especially in times of conflict, but also when laying the groundwork to avoid conflict), the better the outlook for how both individuals and the relationship between them will mature. This is a book with insights containing value for anyone – even a childless orphan of advanced years, unless perhaps that individual is cloistered away from all human contact. But everyone else can gain at least some useful insight into relationships between generations, whether for current relationships or for understanding past ones. Perry reminds the reader that, even though we are all imperfect, parents (and other adults) don’t have to strive to perfect the children in their orbits, because “[Y]ou are creating a person to love, not a work of art”. The book’s title may be over-the-top, but its advice is exceedingly well-grounded.

Alot of it is common knowledge when you work with kids,have kids , been around kids but it can be hard to put into action. The pregnancy chapter I recommend the most. So helpful . All in all a good read .

I want to make sure I am not behaving in ways that will impact my children to need therapy in the future. I want them to know they are loved, wanted and needed, and that I enjoy spending time with them. I don’t want to be critical, and I want them to respect me while also knowing I respect them. This books aids in ways to execute all of that. It provides the reader with easy to implement communication tools and very clearly explains how to help children through, -and articulate, their feelings. 10/10!

I was moved by this book. The writing is straightforward, optimistic and grounded. I appreciated the parts about setting boundaries with your child and telling the truth about them—they are expressions of our feelings: I want to leave the playground bc I’m bored and cold, or I’m not ready for you to ride the subway home alone at night, even though I feel you are responsible. As a parent, I’ve sometimes felt as though my own feelings weren’t a proper basis for boundaries, but it was so helpful to read that not only is this acceptable, it’s good for your child bc she will learn to recognize and state her own feelings and grow to be a good communicator. There were many good insights such as this one and the tone was kind to both parents and children. I felt buoyed in spirits by the end.

This book has invaluable insight and will make you a better parent. You will be able to collaborate with your children instead of being too strict or too lax. When you make a mistake, you will learn how to own your mistakes and repair the rupture.

I liked the book but about half way through got frustrated because the pages are not printed in order. It would go from page 153 then jump to 283 284 then back to 156. This occurs at least 10 times so there is a bunch of the book unable to be read because it’s not printed in order

This has been the best book in parenting I've read in the last few years. What makes it unique is that through a series of initial readings and reflections, it grounds you to understanding whom you are as a parent (+why) and how to best move forward from there. It made me realize a couple of things I most probably wouldn't have w/o reading this book. It is very practical and has a lot of deep rooted/backed knowledge. In addition, it is an easy read (English is my 2nd language). I would dare say that it encourages to maximally exploit the pratice of empathy, and how to nurture emotionally healthy connections with your children. I highly recommend it!

Definitely have a better understand of how to deal with kids this days. All parents should buy this.

Me encantó este libro!! Tanto que apenas lo terminé y ya lo quiero volver a leer y además le dije a mi mamá que lo tiene que leer 😁

Pieno di esempi pratici per riflettere sulla propria infanzia e migliorare quella dei propri figli

Great book for parenting. Book arrived as described by the seller. Recommended

I thought this book was superb but more than that, after about ten minutes I felt it was already changing my behaviour! My friend who recommended it said the same. Perry lays out her methods and thoughts very gently, with lots of good examples from real life, little case studies; but it’s the insights which really help. Looking at WHY we lose our rag about certain trigger bits of parenting - going back to our own childhoods and looking at why - OH MY GOD. Brilliant. There’s also so much help here about FIXING those situations once you as the parent have cocked up. Rupture / repair, as she puts it. And also advice on how to manage your parental situations better. When your kid says look at this, LOOK AT IT. I know that sounds sort of obvious but often I will say “hang on a sec I’m making dinner” etc. I feel like from now on I will do that differently because it doesn’t take two seconds to run and look. And the response you get is ♥️ I found it readable, funny, thoughtful, insightful, but most of all INCREDIBLY useful and, very very very rare for a book, genuinely life-changing.