--- product_id: 19018856 title: "VARIOUSJesus Christ: Vampire Hunter" brand: "variouslee demarbre" price: "₱1609" currency: PHP in_stock: true reviews_count: 12 url: https://www.desertcart.ph/products/19018856-variousjesus-christ-vampire-hunter store_origin: PH region: Philippines --- # VARIOUSJesus Christ: Vampire Hunter **Brand:** variouslee demarbre **Price:** ₱1609 **Availability:** ✅ In Stock ## Quick Answers - **What is this?** VARIOUSJesus Christ: Vampire Hunter by variouslee demarbre - **How much does it cost?** ₱1609 with free shipping - **Is it available?** Yes, in stock and ready to ship - **Where can I buy it?** [www.desertcart.ph](https://www.desertcart.ph/products/19018856-variousjesus-christ-vampire-hunter) ## Best For - variouslee demarbre enthusiasts ## Why This Product - Trusted variouslee demarbre brand quality - Free international shipping included - Worldwide delivery with tracking - 15-day hassle-free returns ## Description VARIOUSJesus Christ: Vampire Hunter ## Images ![VARIOUSJesus Christ: Vampire Hunter - Image 1](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51-1N3iEnEL.jpg) ## Customer Reviews ### ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Intentionally Bad Films Can Be Good *by M***K on Reviewed in the United States on March 22, 2010* Forget going into this movie with any expectations of plot, taste, or anything making sense. It's not gonna happen and that, my fellow movie reviewers, is the point. Nothing in this send-up of 60s and 70s exploitation movies is supposed to have any elements like plot, good dialog, good acting, and so on. Once you understand this, what you end up doing is spending about eighty-seven minutes having fun with the cast and crew as they share with you one of the dumbest films ever to be put to celluloid.Shot on 16mm in Ottawa, Canada, "Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter" opens with none other than Rasputin himself (who somehow survived his own murder and moved to Canada to become an evangelist) emerging from some unkempt shrubbery to warn us of the evil permeating the house behind it and of the horrible events that took place there. That might be a better warning if any of the subsequent action had actually taken place inside, but it doesn't. Like I said, forget about anything in this movie making a lick of sense.What there is of a plot breaks down thus: Ottawa is plagued by vampires, and the church is powerless to do anything about it, so it dispatches a pair of priests (one of whom is a converted punk rocker, complete with red mohawk) to track down Jesus Christ, who has apparently returned to baptize people and bring the Second Coming in his own humble way. But the vampires have found the Saviour and after a silly fight dispatch the priests before losing two of their own to the blessed lake water. Jesus then goes for a shave and a haircut, emerging to lead an inexplicable musical number before getting himself a room courtesy of the church and going out to gather firewood. He is attacked by more than thirty atheists in a clown jeep -- it must be, because all but the first two come out of it to do battle with the Son of Man -- and he uses what is probably the worst Kung Fu moves ever devised to dispatch them all. Then is is greeted in his hotel room by the beautiful and flirtatious Mary Magnum, played by Maria Moulton, and after a brief tussle she takes him to a thrift store for some new duds. While Jesus tries on various gear from the 1970s, Mary is picking out bizarre collectible salt and pepper shakers. But oh noez! The head female vampire, Maxine Schreck, walks in to chat with the register jockey, indicating that no one in Ottawa is to be trusted! After some more silliness, Jesus and Mary confront Maxine and her vampiric boyfriend, Johnny Golgotha, on the roof after they murder the residents of a halfway house for lesbians and after tracking them to a maniacal plastic surgeon who helps the vampires walk in the daylight by grafting the skins of lesbians onto their bodies. Alas, poor flirtatious Mary succumbs to the dubious wiles of Maxine and Jesus gets his ass kicked big time. Wandering around in a beaten daze, our Saviour is rescued by a kindly transvestite and nursed back to health. He receives some words of wisdom from God Almighty via a bowl of cherry-topped ice cream to team up with Mexican wrestler El Santos, who arrives by private airplane with his assistant, Gloria Oddbottom, otherwise known as She of the Insanely Huge and Grabbable Ass (which no one can resist grabbing). The trio wipe out a lounge club full of vampires, but Santos and Gloria are knocked out by the head vampires, forcing Jesus to surrender to save his friends. Taken to a junk yard, Jesus is chained between two cars, where he is to be ripped apart. Adding insult to injury is the betrayal of Father Eustace, who has joined the undead, and the attack of a vampirized Mary on a dirt bike. But no one can keep the Son of Man down! He fights back, kicks ass, takes names, and teaches the naughty Father Eustace why it's a bad idea to stake Jesus. Did I mention that at the same time Jesus is shown on TV by local reporters battling the Forces of Evil, he shows up at the hideout of the astounded plastic surgeon to open up a few cans of whup-ass? (Jesus to the bewildered Dr. Praetorius through clenched teeth: "I'm everywhere!") No? Well, I just did. So there. In the end, everyone who survives ends up happy and not vampires, and that my friends is the end of our story.The thing to remember is not to even try to take this movie seriously. It wasn't meant to be serious. It was, however, meant to be an exercise in good fun by way of ripping on every exploitation film ever made, on a shoestring budget ($40,000 by some accounts, $100,000 by others), and with the cheesiest effects the budget would allow. The movie was also shot on 16mm, lending an older look and feel to the 2001 cheese fest. The soundtrack is catchy, and the humor is abundant. Phil Caracas, who plays the title role, also starred in the late-90s Kung Fu spoof series "Harry Knuckles", also directed by Lee Demarbre and co-written by Ian Driscoll. And the soundtrack is absolutely hilarious. The theme song's catchiest line is, "It's all good; it's all right; everybody gets laid tonight!" Comedic gold here. The whole thing is as cheesy as "Manos: The Hands of Fate" but with none of the vomit-inducing stupidity of that piece of cinematic refuse -- it has, in fact, an entirely different form of stupidity all its own. And it never pretends otherwise, which is largely why I like this movie. ### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ No better way to waste time *by R***T on Reviewed in the United States on November 3, 2022* Punish your friends and relatives with a movie so bad that it transcends bad to become good. Every single thing about this movie is ridiculous from start to finish. The acting is terrible. The audio is terrible. The music is terrible. The screenplay is terrible. Not Manos terrible but damn close.A+ ### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Horribly good *by A***E on Reviewed in the United States on October 31, 2022* Possibly the worst movie I've ever seen, which made it an amazing movie to watch with friends. --- ## Why Shop on Desertcart? - 🛒 **Trusted by 1.3+ Million Shoppers** — Serving international shoppers since 2016 - 🌍 **Shop Globally** — Access 737+ million products across 21 categories - 💰 **No Hidden Fees** — All customs, duties, and taxes included in the price - 🔄 **15-Day Free Returns** — Hassle-free returns (30 days for PRO members) - 🔒 **Secure Payments** — Trusted payment options with buyer protection - ⭐ **TrustPilot Rated 4.5/5** — Based on 8,000+ happy customer reviews **Shop now:** [https://www.desertcart.ph/products/19018856-variousjesus-christ-vampire-hunter](https://www.desertcart.ph/products/19018856-variousjesus-christ-vampire-hunter) --- *Product available on Desertcart Philippines* *Store origin: PH* *Last updated: 2026-04-27*