Chained: The Narcissist's Co-Dependent

This will be the 8th book I've read from HG Tudor. I have spent so much money on other books regarding narcissism, recovery from toxic relationships and co-dependence. I joined online groups regarding narcissistic relationships. None of them have helped the way HG Tudor's writing has. While some of the books were helpful in identifying that I was involved with a narcissist or was raised in a home with narcissistic parents, none of them really gave me a way out. It was just more identification of the problem. The online groups were just an avenue to stay in self-pity and instructions on how to make no contact work to get the narcissist back after being disengaged with.I was fortunate enough to stumble upon HG Tudor's writing and his blog. I have never devoured information so quickly. I couldn't get through the material fast enough. HG is a narcissist and he owns what he is. He does not claim to be recovering or recovered. He explains in detailed terms what is happening to you, what will happen to you if you stay, how to get out, how to stay out and how to heal. His writing alone has made me not only establish no contact but WANT to establish no contact. Blocking his numbers, emails, ridding myself of any and all reminders and never allowing myself to go into the realm of my ex. I would have never believed that I would do any of that. He'll make you a believer.

The author confuses co-dependency with masochism. Co-dependents are not masochists or submissives looking for a dominant.Apart from that, it is fascinating to read about relationships from the perspective of a self-identified narcissist. The author, in typical narcissistic fashion, has mistaken his false self as being evidence of his superiority and general awesomeness. He does not seem to grasp that the construction of a false self is a very unfortunate coping mechanism, probably in response to some childhood trauma, that renders one a narcissist.He makes reference to his TRUE self throughout the book, calling it "the creature" that lives inside him and that he has to ignore and suppress at all cost.If society taught narcissists how to heal this broken and damaged aspect of themselves at a young age, they would never go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder - a condition that causes great harm and suffering to anyone who falls under the narcissist's spell. It's painful and sad to read the author's deluded misunderstanding of who he is, seeing himself as a powerful, brilliant predator, instead of a sad, damaged, broken human who badly needs professional help. Being able to manipulate and exploit others doesn't make you a superior human being. It just makes you an a**hole.

'd like to share a review on, "Chained: The Narcissist's Codependent", even though it was by a polite request, it's fitting as I am a recovering codependent I would oblige.Reading from the thoughts of a self-proclaimed Narc who has a chilling honest conversation with his readers in a "how I do it, will continue to do it," without any remorse tone, wakes up the enslaved soul.I can now own my own psyche and no longer wonder why, or how, the answers lie within myself and I no longer need the validation from any narc in my past or present, I am free. "Chained" undoubtedly illustrates the dance that only the codependent can recover from if she or he is willing to have a self identity that she or he has locked away deeply since childhood. This book is a good starting place, as the author not only tells you your worst fears are true, but you as the codependent need the narc to feel real just as much as the narc needs your fuel. Will you stop dancing? A Must read for anyone who is beginning to awake or has been recovering since awakening!!

This book was very informative and answered all my questions. The writer captivates me from his own experience and had excellent insight and truth. I am a narcissists codependent. I was. I am borderline PD. I have repeated these relationships my entire life, beginning with my mother. I still miss him but it was unhealthy and extremely toxic, as my sexual boundaries were being violated to the point that I blew a fuse. I'm now reading Betrayal Bond, then Psychopath Free continuing my insights and progress. If I was given honesty and closure I would still be with him and not realize what I was in. I've learned much from HG Tudor and recommend his readings. It may be the only answers and closure you will get and need. I learned about HG's book from an online support group. I'm grateful to have new insights, although this was an impossible bond to break. It broke over deception and projection ending in betrayal. Thank you!

While I initially found this book to be a little slow compared to other H G Tudor books on this subject, the book does pick up pace and ultimately became quite revealing.As I read the book, I found that a lot of the content directly relates to a person that is somewhat close to me, and a victim of a narcissist.More importantly, I have been able to pass some of this information along which should hopefully result in the victim becoming more aware of what is happening, with the ultimate goal of removing the narcissist from her life and learning the appropriate skills to regain control of her life.

Some decent insight, although a bit repetitive at times. Only a narcissist could decide that the letter z does not exist in the North American version of the English language! Ex: realise, apologise, organise. My spell check is going crazy as I write this! If you are a true co-dependent then you may recognize yourself in this somewhat exaggerated portrait. Quick read. I will most likely read another of Tudor's in this series because it isn't often one gets the perspective of a self-described narc.

I just realized I was in a relationship with a sociopath after 6 years. I'm the type of person that has to know the truth no matter how painful. It was emotional hard to read.I'm still in disbelief a little that these types of people exist. Definitely has made me question almost everything.

The author is a narcissistic psychopath who, in this book, exclaims that he has no interest in the academic or the empathic subject of codependency. You can find this on p. 97, "I am not qualified, either in the academic sense or the empathic sense to offer any observations on how this can be achieved. I have no interest in encouraging a co-dependent to find a way of breaking free of their chains and escaping our kind." Initially, I was disappointed with this book because I expected it to make a marriage of narcissistic abuse (NA) toward the codependent with insights on how the codependent can break free from the chains of narcissistic abuse. As you can see, the author is clear that is not his primary purpose of this book. His primary purpose appears to be to show the reader how the narcissist detects and exploits the codependent. In that regard, this book is (disgustingly) spot on.Initially, I disagreed with the content of this book. On reflection, I wiped my negative review in favour of writing this second version. In this book, the author is honest to show how an active codependent relates to a narcissist, and vice versa. It is a relationship of the two-way exploitation of illness. The author defines the codependent as a person who sells out their free will to the narcissist in order for the narcissistic control to validate and direct their existence. As a recovering codependent, I disagreed. The author says this happens because the codependent needs the narcissist's constructed identity, in the absence of their own, to cover "the creature," an inner demon, if you like, which would otherwise consume them. Again, I disagreed, since I do not recall experiencing this notion. However, as I take in the work of this author, I am reminded that he speaks from the different perspective, of a psychopath, which is what we aim to understand, in order to know our enemy.Paradoxically, our enemy is within us, which is our drive to engage in narcissistic abuse or, equally, to experience difficulty disengaging from it, which is also important. There is much information around advocating narcissistic abuse is not the victim's fault; where this only encourages the externalization of responsibility, which prevents new learning and true growth. Although the author of this book claims his aim is not to help the codependent, paradoxically, I have found this honest account to facilitate a therapeutic breakthrough in my codependency, once I reflected on it. My therapeutic breakthrough was this: where the author says the codpendent needs the narcissist's construct, and I felt I did not, I now understand this as a generalised umbrella statement to describe what is, inevitably, shaped by individual differences. As the codependency of each person has different origins, so each codependent will have different needs from a narcissist.On reflection, I now recall that, for me, my abusive childhood created my codependency. I needed to sell out my free will, then, in order to accommodate abuse, because I thought that was what made me a good girl and would give me love, which I never got. I now have an external locus of control, where I look to others to confirm if I am good, if I am safe. This external locus of control predisposes me to narcissists. This lack of perceived goodness and safety is the construct I miss, which a narcissist's confident love bombing provides. Thus, for the codependent, it may not be that you are missing a whole identity, but that you have holes in the self, drilled by a previous narcissist, which you think you cannot fill. Recognizing my holes, through reflecting on this work, has enabled me to consciously use my self to fill them; that is, to be conscious about not allowing another person to complete me. For people to complete one another sounds terribly romantic but, in practice, an unnecessarily open door for sustained narcissistic abuse.Similarly, though I disagreed with the author's conceptualisation of the codependent as needing the narcissist's construct for the purpose of covering the inner demons which would otherwise consume them, I have a deeper understanding of what is meant, here, too. For example, I find it difficult to release the narcissist's control over me because, when I do, I am forced to focus on my self, as opposed on what the narcissist is doing. My true self is traumatised and feels imprisoned by fear and guilt. I am very conscious of this and have no difficulty facing every detail of it. So, though I would have never called my true self as an inner demon, the fact is that my true self does consume me, because I feel so traumatised in my CPTSD. It makes perfect sense to me now, why the author would refer to this inner traumatised self as "the creature," which threatens to consume the narcissists, or the psychopaths, since these individuals' narcissistic defense mechanism means they refuse to be controlled by consuming emotions.Overall, this book, like the rest of the work of this author, is not written in the usual psychological language, as he uses his own taxonomy. Once I came to understand his taxonomy here, like I have come to understand it in his descriptions of the divisions of narcissism, this book has on reflection afforded to me a deep therapeutic breakthrough in something I was previously unconscious of. I have read that people complain about the smaller than average length of the books by this author. I think this is a strength. He is intelligent enough to know if he has communicated adequately what he has to say and, frankly, he usually drives home the message multiple times per item. As long as the message is delivered, but I think it pays to digest diligently his work, who cares how long the book is. You are paying for the message. As a consequence of reflecting on the content of this book, I am far more conscious than ever before of the "chained" dynamic, so that I can seek to avoid it. That is what I hoped the book would deliver.This book is a mirror to the codependent in you. You may not recognize what you see, because your codependency is an unconscious defense mechanism. But the mirror is also a doorway to the potential for your recovery, if you would be bold enough to look everywhere...

For me to help Co-dependent empaths.

A veritable smorgasbord of food for thought and provide such a greater understanding of the world of narcissism. His writings tend to elicit many varying responses.I’ve heard some followers question his actual accountability as a Narcissist. Simply as to whether he is, indeed, “one of such a kind”, or just a very well researched, intelligent and intriguing writer.I simply doubt what he has written could be done if he were not “the real deal”. His accuracy, no, his intense depth of understanding, could not be possible, otherwise. I truly understand the meaning of a “cold empath” as described by Sam Vaknin of his kind. I too can feel there is so much more than fact stating or storytelling going on in amongst those words; that are so well written. It has pure passion attached. He truly does have a skill: to seek, maintain and nurture his rapport with the human race in order to be eternally sustained, and what hunter is to remain on the top of the food chain if he does not know his prey completely? His insatiable hunger cannot be managed, let alone somewhat satiated without ensuring its continual supply. We are each, but creatures of our upbringing and it’s design/conditioning. Seeking for that which helps us to feel whole. Some of us are complete, without others. Some of us believe we are not. Some of us will never be. Without life’s lessons, I guess nothing would likely ever change.HG Tudor affects others in many ways, as is his intention and design. I dare say he will come to provide many with invaluable personal growth and forced healing before his time is done on this earthly plane. His chosen lifestyle and his writings will ensure this...Of this I am certain.He has many books on this subject. "Sex: How The Narcissist Views Sex & The Role it Plays In Your Entanglement", being another invaluable learning tool that is a steep learning curve. If you know little about the convoluted nature of narcissism other than your own painful experience to date please do yourself a favour and read some of these books. Many books fail to teach you so much of what we fail to see, in truth, although HG's writing can be quite brutal in its teachings, due to the harsh reality presented, most of us require that in order to finally leave and learn to change ourselves, so as to avoid this from happening again. When I say happen again, I not only refer to the same relationship repeating history, I mean having relationships with the same type of people repeatedly. As HG Tudor states of his enlightening writings, "the best medicine tastes foul". I agree and am so glad I found his work, as it took such reality to bring me to a place where I was truly ready to learn to set myself free and change all that I was. For all that he is or maybe, I will be forever grateful for the little voice of reasoning that I now have in the back of my head that reminds me whenever I "forget" and doubt my intuition.According to the rules of “relationship math,” the addition of a half and half (an SLD (co dependent) and PNarc) equals a “half relationship” consisting of enmeshed and dependent partners. But the addition of a whole and a whole (two self-loving individuals), equal two, which is one whole relationship comprised of mutually and reciprocally loving interdependent adults.- Ross Rosenberg

This book was very well written. As you would expect as everything from HG is.If you are struggling with confusion and need an understanding of why you just can't let go, then please buy this book.As you go from page to page and hear yourself saying "aha!". Or "oh my god". You'll know that now you are learning about yourself and you've got the information jackpot!When you understand more about what you are, why you do things, how it feels and it is spot on, then, then there is a sense of reaching a great summit.The information in this book is akin to finding treasure for people who are struggling and can not disconnect from their narc.You are not alone!

I really enjoyed Chained because it explained codependency in a way that was relatable without being shameful. Tudor uses the dynamic between himself (the narcissist) and his sister (the codependent). We learn how the two manifested as such a young age and how they feed off of one another. He also discusses the dynamic under a romantic lens as well but I enjoyed reading about the two siblings because it gets to the essence of how the two came to exist in the same household.Unlike the narcissist, there is hope for the codependent to become more independent and break the cycle but it does require a lot of hard work, self-analysis, and discipline.A very entertaining and enjoyable read as well.