The Way I Used to Be

I've read countless books, both for work and pleasure. After a while, the plots and characters start to run together, and the stories I'm reading now become no more memorable than the last. The Way I Used to Be is one of the few books that stand apart from the rest.The story follows Eden, a sexual assault survivor who just started high school. Her story is told in four parts, starting as a freshman dealing with the crushing pain of being hurt in the worst way by someone she trusted. We watch as she struggles to come to grips with what happened. I read this book when I was the same age as the main character, and my heart still hurts when I think back on that time. As a reader, I'm careful of books like this because they can leave me feeling drained and empty. I was both by the time I finished, but I also felt so much more. It's weird and rare for me to feel proud of a fictional character, but that's what I was. Eden was so well-written. She felt like a friend I'd known my whole life, or maybe even a part of myself, and when she hurt, I hurt. What happens to her and the aftermath of it was hard to read but so worth reading.As a woman, I've grown up on the cautionary tales of sexual abuse. Where to spot it, how to avoid it, what to do after. Most of my knowledge of sexual assault comes firsthand from friends and family who've experienced it. With this comes ingrained hyperawareness and the naive thought that, despite having never experienced it myself, I understood it. But nothing compares to being inside the head of someone who has lived it. There is so much more that goes on than I could've ever imagined. It was eye-opening and painful because so much of the aftermath is just silent suffering. I can't help but think back to the countless stories I've heard and wonder what parts my friends sugar-coated, or left out completely, for my benefit. It hurts to know that there is nothing I could do for the pain I couldn't see. Though I emphasized with Eden the most, I also felt for her friends and family, because I have played that role before, and I can only hope that I was there for them when they needed me.I think this is a book that everyone should read, if not for the chance to better understand the thought process and actions of a survivor, then for the simple pleasure of reading a well-written, heartwrenching story with a brave and resilient main character.

The Way I Used to Be is a powerful story about trauma, and misunderstandings that made me genuinely angry at times. It shows how much better things could have been with open communication. A tough but important read that stays with you.

"The Way I Used to Be" by Amber Smith is a poignant and powerful exploration of trauma and recovery through the eyes of a young woman named Eden. After a devastating incident with her brother’s best friend shatters her sense of safety and identity, Eden's once straightforward life becomes a complex web of confusion, anger, and silence. As she grapples with the emotional fallout, she buries her pain and struggles to adapt to the changing landscape of her adolescence.Told across four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—Smith intricately weaves Eden's journey through the challenges of growing up, including the realities of first love, heartbreak, and the often tumultuous nature of friendship. While the narrative dives deep into the scars left by trauma, it also highlights Eden's resilience and the gradual realization of her own strength. As she learns to confront her past and embrace her survival, "The Way I Used to Be" serves as a powerful testament to the complexities of healing, making it an essential read for anyone seeking understanding and hope in the face of adversity.

This book is honestly amazing. My favorite book as of right now. It explores the way traumatic events gives one’s life a whole 180, how just one thing can either build or destroy someone’s life, a few words, a few actions, brings years of connections tumbling down. Traumas causing you to change yourself mentally and physically. Very sad book yet so amazing, 10/10 definitely recommend.

As a survivor of sexual abuse and sexual assault this book is a perfect example of why woman become promiscuous after. The feelings that Eden had was so much like me, trying anything to cover the shame and fill a void. So many of us have a Josh that enters our lives and makes us feel and that is terrifying. Will remember this book forever. Kudos to Amber Smith.

written from the viewpoint of a freshman to senior in high school, Eden’s experiences and how they change her into the kind of person she couldn’t ever imagine being; angry, lonely, pained, secretive, and not being able to tell anybody what happened to her, makes her want to be a hard, unfeeling, uncaring, hurtful person. As I read through this book I just wanted to hug Eden and yell her “it is okay to tell”. And the last line of the book is memorable and beautiful.

amazing book that has helped me through my own trauma, I've read it before but i had to get it for my own so i could highlight my favorite quotes and stuff beautifully written i love this author so much! I'm leaving for a 6 week trip in June and got it to read on the plane and I'm so excited!! <3

🌼 broken fmc🚬 tragic events🌼 self destruction🚬 courageous decisionsI don’t even know what to say. If you like being punched in the gut, then read this!!It was tragic and sickening, but so so good.Eden, my poor angel baby, I just want to reach into the pages and hug you and protect you!! Having to see one persons choice ruin someone’s life for the next 3+ years was sickening and seeing Eden self destruct hurt more than I could’ve imagined.She lost so much that day, but the ending gave me hope that maybe book 2 will be her putting herself back together. If I don’t see a happy Eden by the end of that, I’ll be devastated.