Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love, revised edition: Relationship Repair in a Flash

I stumbled across this book and ended up falling in love with it. Thank you!!I’m definitely getting a physical copy and integrating this into my relationships.

Who hasn't ever, in a tense moment with one's partner or spouse, struggled to find the right words to say? Who hasn't experienced that familiar downward spiral where in the moment, it seems impossible that things could ever feel sane again?This book consists of 127 "flash cards for real life" which can be used to redirect the course of an unpleasant exchange to something friendlier. Often when we are feeling invalidated or unheard by our partner it can be a struggle to communicate in a way that doesn't make things worse--or at least cause both persons to dig in their heels. The author has two main premises in this book. First, the mere act of offering a written message, without the voice tones and inflections that naturally accompany upset, can signal to the recipient that despite the conflict at hand the sender is actually wanting to make a connection--to move toward, rather than away--and that in itself can change the energy of the entire interaction. Second, when we are more connected to our own insides, we can relate to the person across from us in a healthier way.The cards are divided into eleven sections. An example from the first section, Shifting Gears: "I am upset. That doesn't mean that you are a bad person... It means that if you could just listen, I would feel incredibly loved." And another, from the section Setting Limits: "When you go on and on like that, I feel invisible to you." Each card is accompanied by "field notes" in which the author discusses in what types of situations one might use the card and explains what the impact might be on both the sender and the receiver. She uses anecdotes from her extensive experience as a couples therapist (and even occasionally from her own life) to illustrate the points involved. Even if one doesn't use the cards the field notes themselves are quite thought-provoking. Just about everyone will see a bit of themselves and/or their relationship in the many vignettes presented.There were some complaints about the durability of the previous (spiral-bound) edition of the book. This new version comes with much sturdier binding and also has 26 new flash cards under two new sections, "Making Love" and "Deepening Trust."This book would be useful to anyone wanting insight into how to have a more conscious relationship. Highly recommended.

This book contains messages that really get to the heart of the matter. While these messages can be spoken during a conversation, there is the option instead of showing the flashcard to avoid adding possibly unintentional meaning to your words, through tone of voice. This is especially helpful during times of conflict. Each of the 127 flashcards has, on the facing page, helpful notes by the author, Nancy Dreyfus, Psy.D. Last year I had the opportunity to fly across the country for a weekend-long therapy session with Nancy. She is warm, intelligent, articulate, intensely engaging and very quickly connects with you, to the issue. Her insight and warmly delivered wisdom has been beyond helpful to me. As I read this book, the flashcards and the notes that go along with each, I can hear her voice and feel as though I am in a therapy session with her. There is a gold mine of valuable information in this book, written by someone who really "gets it". My advice is to read it from beginning to end, take in all the information in the notes, flagging pages along the way that have specific relevance to you, for use later. You will see new possibilities for your relationships to be deeper and more real.Be sure to purchase the revised 2013 edition of Talk to Me Like Someone You Love, which has additional flashcards and a more sturdy cover.

I was excited to read it but again it took me a while to get to it, not sure why... anyway. My husband and I communicate very well so I thought this book was going to be a breeze which it was for the most part but there were a few surprises. I think the biggest thing I learned from this book is you can never stop trying to improve your relationship. Just like life in general the moment you become complacent is the moment you or your relationship begins to deteriorate. In life it's your memory, your reaction time or your flexibility in a relationship it's trust, loving physical touch and meaningful communication. Either way it is each of our job's to seek out new and better ways to live, to get out there learn new skills and create experiences that keep our minds, bodies and spirits engaged. If anyone expects to have what can be considered a good and lasting relationship you must stay engaged in that relationship.With that said it is naive to ever think that you don't need to read relationship books because "my relationship is fine." Talk to me Like I'm Someone you Love is basically a book of flash cards. One liners, if you will to keep the lines of communication open between you and your partner, Each card helps to put into words the feelings you want to convey but for some reason just can't get across to your partner. Each card is accompanied by a page or so of explanation as to when and why each card might be used. As it turns out I didn't find a lot that my husband and I need to work on but I this book did give me a whole list of new phrases to work into conversation that will help to get my point across without making my husband feel belittled or that I don't love him. Even though while in the heat of an argument it may feel like your partner doesn't love you the truth is that they do and it is important to let them know that without having to forfeit your opinions. this book gives a lot of great ideas on how to do just that.

Love the way she gets you to respond to each other

Super easy to use. Extremely relatable content. Probably saved our marriage. Really helped us work through our communication barriers.

Great book explains every detail on what things really happen in relashionships and how to fix them and also why the argument beetween lovers start over the silliest things it basically explains mine

Some will find it helpful. Limited to Only including verbiage for taking responsibility for your own actions. Nothing for dealing with difficult people or challenging patterns.

I love the book and cards it can be very helpful in a relationship

... pages fall off when open the package, and it seems more pages are about to fall off when turn the pages