Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and BubbleBaths Not Included)

I first met Dr. Pooja Lakshmin when I saw her article about burnout and betrayal (the Primal Scream in the New York Times). A lightbulb went off when I realized that I was internalizing so much about how I wasn't able to do it all as a mother, wife, business owner, writer, and person in the world. Between having two young kids in the pandemic and trying to start my own business, I was exhausted, sometimes frozen, angry, and often in tears.Ever since, I've followed her writing and work on instagram, where she shares wisdom around women's mental health from a psychology perspective. Honestly, I feel RELIEF when I read what she's writing! This book has been a brilliant follow-up to her work across the web. Being burned out and feeling betrayed by broken systems is real. But what do you DO about it? Is there any antidote or solution?It turns out, if you're wishing for a vacation or you're fantasizing about escape... well, that's a sign that your current life is likely burning you out. Instead of buying the next fancy retreat or spa package (those are delightful, don't get me wrong!)—she recommends you start with her four-part framework.Pooja writes about where our individual agency comes in: what can we do about this, and what's within our control? This is the delicate dance of self care.She also shares the history of self-care and where the idea comes from (it was a mental health term often for institutionalized folks, and it was revolutionized by Black women in different movements before it's been co-opted today as a thing that you can purchase, buy, or sell). I appreciate this full history.I got a chance to review an early copy of this book (I'm a podcaster, and I interviewed her for my show)—and I also purchased my own copy of this book. Here's what I got from the book:So how do we do self-care in an overwhelming world? Her framework brings alignment between your values and what you can do, and highlights where you might be misaligned. I'll share a few sneak peeks without giving it all away:1 — How to know what's yours, how to create space between you and the people you care about, how to define what belongs to someone else (guess what word she uses for this first step?)2 — How to develop a new relationship with your mind (her insights on A&C therapy and how she describes psychological flexibility I found so cool). This is a more advanced psychological concept and I appreciate the depth here; it's not superficial.3 — How to identify what really matters to YOU, what brings you energy. She has a specific tool called the self-care compass which is a great framework (and I like having it next to my desk at work).4 — How to regain power and agency. For me, regaining your sense of control is HUGE in self-care, and she explains where and how you can claim your power.For women especially, but also men need this too (boundary work is HARD for all). Also, her opening story about joining a cult? Riveting.Buy this book, it's well-written, easy to read, and important to act on.

Three years ago, I survived a rare, life-threatening mental health crisis when I became a mom. On my long journey to finding healing and meaning from my trauma, I came across this book, and it completely changed my life. I have never felt so seen by a perspective and a person whom I had never even met - another woman of color, another mom! After putting much thought and reflection into my self-care compass (and even sharing it with my therapist and family!) I found myself making meaningful changes to live my life to be more aligned with my values, and it was truly liberating. I couldn’t resist gifting this book to all the close women and moms in my life.This book will not only help you introspect, heal and show yourself compassion, but also give you tangible tools and frameworks that you can look back to as you navigate challenges in your own life. This book will also help you better understand and build empathy for the other powerful, resilient women in your life. Real self-care isn't about a form of achievement or consumerism, it's about embracing self-love and compassion. Thank you Pooja!

In Real Self-Care, the author does an excellent job of articulating a number of issues that lead people — especially women — to poor wellbeing. I appreciate her willingness to dive into the personal, interpersonal, and systemic problems and help readers understand what true self-care means. However, that's about it. She doesn't offer nearly enough tangible, practical strategies to escape all this dysfunction, and the book becomes very repetitive as it goes on. I'm rounding up to 4 stars out of gratitude for what this book does well, but it leaves quite a bit to be desired.

Since the pandemic, having two kids, and balancing work, I've made a small habit out of reading 'self help' books and memoirs focusing on women struggling to find balance and authenticity in our current age. Real Self-Care by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin really stands out amongst the genre for many reasons:1) The author has the credentials AND lived experience. Her training and expertise is clear, but it isn't prescriptive, she approaches the audience with kindness and compassion. It's akin to a therapy session with a professional who works with women frustrated by our current systems, which is exactly who Dr. Lakshmin is! Also Dr. Lakshmin provides touching and very real personal experiences that help her relate to the reader.2) There are activities to think about and work on as you read, which force the reader to be more than a passive participant. This is not meant to be binged, but returned to as a guide. She also provides help on locating professional mental health experts, a huge hurdle for many people.2) Real Self-Care identifies, correctly, that this isn't all about changing your perspective and journaling away the negative thoughts. We have and continue to face major, seemingly insurmountable issues as a society. This books acknowledges how these problems can be very specific (workplace conflict) as well as very general (gender and race-based pay discrimination). Not everything can be resolved over night, but the book provides a roadmap to approaching these large problems from a place that is true to you.Highly recommend! Am planning to give as gifts for many friends/family members!

Great!

Real Self-Care by Pooja Laxmin is a refreshing take on self-help books that are often too generic or preachy. As someone who usually avoids such books, I was pleasantly surprised by the clarity, honesty, and practicality of this one.One of the strengths of Real Self-Care is that it doesn't pretend to have all the answers or to be a one-size-fits-all solution. Instead, Pooja Laxmin acknowledges the complexity of self-care and the different challenges that women (and men) face in taking care of their mental health. She also distinguishes between real self-care, which involves intentional and sustainable practices that enhance one's well-being, and faux self-care, which can be superficial, temporary, or even harmful.The book is structured in a way that makes it easy to follow and apply the advice. Each chapter covers a specific aspect of real self-care, such as setting boundaries, managing stress, practicing gratitude, and cultivating self-compassion. Within each chapter, Pooja Laxmin offers clear explanations, relevant examples, and practical tips, often backed up by research and her own clinical experience. The language is accessible and engaging, without being overly simplistic or patronizing.What I appreciated most about Real Self-Care is the emphasis on seeking professional help when needed and the guidance on how to do so effectively. Pooja Laxmin acknowledges that self-care is not always enough and that some mental health issues require the expertise and support of trained professionals. She also provides a helpful checklist of what to look for in a therapist or counselor, including credentials, specialties, and personal fit.Overall, Real Self-Care is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to improve their mental health and well-being in a realistic and compassionate way. While it may resonate more with women, I believe that men can also benefit from the insights and strategies offered in the book. Whether you're a seasoned self-helper or a skeptic like me, give Real Self-Care a chance and see how it can make a difference in your life.

Very informative and practical

I am disappointed in that this book is not anything new