When I Say No I Feel Guilty, Vol. II, for Managers and Executives Paperback – May 20, 2000

Dr. Manuel J. Smith takes the assertive principles laid down in his national best-seller WHEN I SAY NO I FEEL GUILTY and applies them to the work and business world. He shows conflicts from the viewpoint of both the employer and employee, from worker to manager alike. It's not about bullying people to get our own way but rather about making your needs known and working through the problems that are bound to come up in any shop or office.I particularly like his definition of "manipulation:" it is when people try to reduce our ability to be our own judge, especially by trying to make us feel guilty, anxious or ignorant. He then gives some verbal techniques to help us handle ourselves while making our needs known.The value of this book goes far beyond the office or factory. I read a lot of inspirational and self-help books, and this is one that I read over a lot of times to reinforce the principles. Contrary to a popular misunderstanding of assertiveness, it does not have to make us meaner or more aggressive -- at times it can even make us nicer, since we don't have to resort to aggression and meanness to get what we want.Even if you haven't read WHEN I SAY NO I FEEL GUILTY, you will still finish this book knowing exactly what Dr. Smith is talking about. As mentioned in another review on this page, a lot of the material in this book is covered in his (unfortunately) out of print book YES, I CAN SAY NO which aims at teaching assertive principles to children. So if you have that one, some of what is in this one would be a bit (but not completely) repititious. However, this book is a valuable resource for how to act on the job, and I can't recommend it highly enough for us "grown kids."

Maybe a little complicated, but one of several big ideas for me was the repeated and detailed sections that deal with being able to be wrong/make mistakes sometimes and how to assertively deal with clients/bosses/coworkers and not get hijacked by the emotions this can bring up in perfectionists.Another one is the coaching on saying no, and being straight about setting expectations in others for what one can/can't do. This isn't about being selfish, it's about being realistic and reducing stress all around.Last thing, the notion that it's a manager's responsibility to train employees to say no to the sidetracking manipulations that can happen in a workplace. The team has a mission and the business must stick to the appropriate plans, not get sidetracked by someone with their own agenda that could harm a team or an employee's own productivity.

I have read "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" and found it a great book on learning communication skills to deal with people who criticize you. Working in an office environment, I decided to get Vol. II. I found that this book had a rich sample on fogging that expanded further from the first book. Even the descriptions of some of the communication skills were described in a different manner that enabled me to understand the skill even better. I think to get the most out of the communication skills being presented in Vol. II, you need the first book as a foundation.

Every person in the world should read this book.

This is a sequel to "When I Say No I Feel Guilty." Both books are excellent.I would recommend reading them with Marshall Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communication" Each of these books focuses on a different aspect of assertive communication.

Unfortunately, not very practical. While the "broken record" technique will work in many situations, when you use the assertiveness techniques advised in the book you are supposed to completely ignore the consequences of your own behaviour.

good book

I recommend it for anyone to whom it applies. Take it seriously. It is very very helpful, and you will have fewer ulcers.