Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission

I bought this book for an insight into the non vanilla world. I love the author’s approach to writing about the topic. The book is a real easy ready keeping the reader interested and intrigued at the turn of every page..

"Different Loving" is sexy, but wasn't written to titillate. It's full of ideas and reflections from experienced members of the BDSM community, but it's not an instruction manual. After all, there are plenty of instruction manuals out there already (I've reviewed a few), plenty of kinky erotica to be found between the covers of books or for free on the Internet. What's harder to find is a straightforward book that, without any agenda (beyond the authors' obvious beliefs that alternative sexualities should be at least tolerated, and preferably embraced), looks into the world of BDSM and sets forth, in a descriptive and insightful manner, an account of what we do and why we do it - which is what "Different Loving" does, thoroughly and thoughtfully.Although the authors are experienced players themselves (despite the "Don't try this at home"-type opening disclaimer), their approach is journalistic and even scholarly, letting the facts speak for themselves. Although much of the book is devoted to first-person accounts, the authors never lose sight of the fact that every experience is individual and none can be considered somehow "ideal" or "typical." No matter who you are or what your own perspective is, you'll find some things here you agree with and some you disagree with vehemently - but the point here is to show, not to tell, and certainly not to persuade.Although this is a book that will appeal to sociologists and psychologists, with statistics and footnotes galore, it also proves accessible to the ordinary reader. The authors' language is straightforward, and the unobtrusively-edited interviews are full of swagger, emotion, and colorful anecdotes. I would especially recommend this book to those outside the BDSM community looking to understand "what it's all about," and to those within the community who wish to gain insight into activities that don't appeal to them personally while still falling under the general "heading" of BDSM.Although the subtitle proclaims this to be a look into "The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission," the scope of this book goes far beyond dominance and submission per se. Many of the interviewees enjoy sadomasochistic play with few or no D/s overtones. Some subjects, such as body modification and "dressing for pleasure," are explored in depth that goes far beyond their D/s connections. Some topics, such as foot fetishism, seem more generally kinky than D/s-specific, and I don't know that a chapter on transgenderism (outside the context of D/s genderplay) belongs here at all. However, I can appreciate the authors' desire to be as broad as possible in their treatment of the subject, and although I would have liked to read more about dominance and submission specifically because that's my area of particular interest, I did find the more peripheral subjects intriguing in a purely "nil humani me alienum puto" sort of way.Informative books on the BDSM world are rare, let alone books of this length and depth and breadth and readability. Whether or not you identify as kinky, if you want to come to a greater understanding of human sexuality in all its surprising variety, this book will fascinate and enlighten you.

Personally, I am not new to the concept of D/s, but I am new to the idea that there are more, many more, people who share the same sexual/lifestyle tendancies as myself. This book is not a how-to, it is not a guide, it is more a psychological, or psychosexual if you prefer, venture that attempts to give an overview of many of the aspects of D/s and S/M. Granted, there is a lot of lumping together, and generalization, but when you are dealing with something as varied and as individual as D/s experiences and practices, it is hard to itemize every single one. On the whole I was very impressed with the book. It covered aspects of D/s that I am familar with, others that I was not, and the interviews gave voice to the individuality that the book in and of its self was not able to convey. Since I am not a veteran of D/s, I can not say whether or not such people would find the book very helpful or intriguing, but for a novice, just taking her first baby steps into the realm of alternate sexuality, it was an eye opening experience, and made huge strides towards easing my feelings of being alone, or abnormal. Even if you aren't interested in D/s specifically, but are a student of human behavior, mentality and sexuality, I would reccomend it. It is very candid and straightforward in its approach, using language that is not so highly technical to be baffling. But, at the same time, it is not written down to the reader. Again, a highly recommended read.

Even thought the book is a bit outdated it does provide an OK overview on the various "kinks" of BDSM that involve power exchange. Each chapter covers a different activity and talks about it from both the dominant's and submissive's perspective. It covers things like spanking, infantilism, water-sports, 24/7 lifestyle, etc. My one big complaint is it totally ignores the LGBT community when discussing it's topic, a point the author makes right at the beginning of the book. Hus point was there aren't as many LGBT people involved as straight people and they weren't willing to talk to him. That might have been true when the book was written years ago but knowing my community as I do I'd have to say thats no longer a valid point. Otherwise its a good overall book and an interesting read. Plus you can skip the chapters you're not interested in without losing anything.

I think the author has done immeasurable good to those who practice S&M. By taking a scholarly look at S&M practices it produces both an edifying and liberating experience for the reader who wants to better understand this lifestyle. It looks as though each person takes away from it something personal. I think the reader will see both himself-herself as unique with S&M but will have a collective or inclusive sense about it too. Anytime we venture into something new it helps to get different points of view about it, and this book does an excellent job of that. I suppose someone who is highly evolved in this lifestyle might find the book a lesser value.

This book was a very pleasant surprise for me. I have to admit I have no previous experience with BDSM. Rather, I feel - as I think many do - quite uncomfortable with a situation that is outside the boundaries of what is considered to be "normal" regarding sex. However, the relaxed and thorough examination of the subject matter by the authors makes this book a pleasant reading, and even tempting to explore new "frontiers". I recommend it for those who have no previous expereince like myself, who are curious about the habits of an ever growing section of the population, and who may wish to experience some of the things themselves

This gives an explanation of almost every different type of sexual desire. It’s factual.

I've read other introductory BDSM books, but "Different Loving" is and always will be my favourite. This book is different in that it gives the reader a deep understanding of the "Why's" behind kink. As a vanilla partner having been introduced into BDSM, this book allowed me to understand the motivations of my submissive when (and often!) she couldn't explain them herself. The interviews were especially helpful for me in understanding my role as a dom; where kink didn't come all that naturally. I'm not sure BDSM would have clicked for me without "Different Loving" and for that an easy 5 stars and a thanks to the authors!

Very highly recommended for those with this particular taste.