When Sinners Say "I Do": Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage

A must read for every man and woman in a covenant marriage, no matter how long you’ve been married. Seriously.

This book has helped me realize several things that I, as a husband, should be more proficient at: grace, forgiveness, preference, selflessness, more giving-less taking and many more. I "proof read" this book to see where the author would take his reader. I quickly found out: Scripture, and the effectual love and grace of our Savior and how that is the example and picture of a godly marriage. Harvey reminds the reader, whether a husband or a wife, marriage is the picture of Christ and the Church. Inasmuch, we are both sinners with a profound problem: sin. This book is profoundly practical and Harvey has a very practical way of counseling the reader, helping him/her discover that practicality. I've studied a lot of theology, but have been a failure in many areas of marriage. The author explains from the get-go that marriage is theology and each spouse better put their thinking caps on and discover what God's Word says in this regard. "Study to show yourself approved." I openly admit that I've not thought highly of marriage books, even Christian ones. However, this book is overwhelmingly delightful to read. It's thorough enough on most of the subject that grieve our spouse, at least it was for me. All in all, we spouses must recognize that if we desire change it begins NOT in the opposite spouse. It depends on YOU. I've pointed the finger of blame far too frequently at my wife. This book pointed it right back at me. Thank you for a wonderful read Dave Harvey.

Read it before I got married. Outstanding fact in the middle of an argument. Stop and say I love you. Biggest thing I picked up from the book. But it's an awesome book I probably picked up more.

I wish it was in audible so I can listen to it and follow along.

Point: The Gospel tells us that we are sinners and therefore will have marriage conflict. The Gospel also tells us that Jesus paid for that sin and we can have growth. Path: Harvey leads the reader through the bad news and the good news of the Gospel and our marriages. He sets a firm foundation in reality when he explains that we are our own worst enemy because of sin. He then shows how that looks in our everyday conflicts at home. The transforming power of the Gospel then is explained as he practically works out what a believer in Christ can choose to do, and is commanded to do, in the marriage relationship. The pattern of sin - grace - application is how the author moves through the whole book. He walks through arguments, forgiveness, confrontation, sex, and dying. Sources: The author references teachers such as C. J. Mahaney, John Piper, J. I. Packer, as well as Puritans such as Watson, Owen, and Henry. Agreement: I appreciated that this book took the time to explain the real problem - sin, rather than merely the symptoms - conflict. The author doesn’t promise “A New Husband by Friday” or that you will know “His needs and her needs.” Rather, he points the reader to Jesus Christ. His practical illustrations were helpful. The book is easy to read. Disagreement: One way I think he could have made the book stronger is to include questions for discussion at the end of each chapter. Personal App: Am I willing to deal with the biggest problem in my marriage, me? Favorite Quote: “When sin becomes bitter, marriage becomes sweet” (Kindle Locations 106-107). It would be worth another read and I would recommend it.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years and are starting to discuss engagement and marriage in the near future. Since we have been together for a little while, we wanted something that was beyond "tips for communicating" or "how to relate to his/her family" or "why you shouldn't have pre-martial sex". We both desired a resource that was more theologically based and we got just that with this book. What struck me from the very first chapter was just how GOSPEL centered this book is! Instead of giving advice on how to improve your relationship with your SO, it emphasizes the importance of focusing on your relationship with and to Christ and how viewing yourself as the foremost of sinners allows you to act in a posture of mercy and forgiveness toward your SO, just as Christ did and does for us. This was a very refreshing and hopeful perspective that opens your heart to be more trusting toward your SO since you have to grow and surrender your self under the assumption that they are trying to do the same thing. When both parties are seeking Christ and sacrificially loving each other, there is no imbalance. This book gives practical and tangible illustration of what that looks like in relationship with SOs and with Christ.

This book was very convicting for my wife and me as it challenged us in our walk. I appreciated the author's honesty with the issues and it made it a lot more comfortable for my wife and I to discuss things. It seems as though it is easier to be Christlike to those we work with or friends we are around then it is in marriage. The author brings out the power of the gospel and how it should affect out marriage. If God made marriage easy what would we ever learn about the power of the gospel? What would we learn about true forgiveness? How would we ever learn to show grace? And most of all, what would we ever learn about humility? We are never more self-righteous than when we don't see ourselves as sinners. It is a lot easier to forgive someone we see once a week than someone see are with every day. It is a true statement that we don't realize how fleshly we are until we are married. In contrast, this book is very practical in bringing out how Christlike we can be in our marriage! Praise God for that! I believe there is no better testimony to the world and especially our children, than was is observed in our marriage. It is a real challenge for those in ministry who worry more about serving the church than they do about serving their spouse.

What a blessing this book has been! Truly, the gospel is the answer for everything. All praises be to God.