Shamed: The Honour Killing That Shocked Britain – by the Sister Who Fought for Justice

This had me gripped from the very first page when the author was sitting with her husband, mum-in-law and brother-in-law listening in shock as it was decided that her sister-in-law was to be murdered for bringing 'shame' on the family for asking for a divorce from her abusive husband and mother-in-law. Astoundingly, her own husband, always under the control of his over-bearing mother, went along with the plans with barely a question.The story follows the author's upbringing in the UK, reared in traditional British-Sikh style, then being taken out of school as a young teen to be trained to be a good wife and mother with her Indian family. Shortly after returning to the UK two years later she was forced into marriage whereby she was the dutiful and submissive wife expected.As arranged, her sister-in-law was murdered in India which the family acknowledged but the author was threatened with her own life should she tell anyone. Some years later she did only to find the local Sikh community were more concerned about the 'shame' she had brought upon her family rather than the fact they had murdered a family member. To a British reader is it beyond shocking.Eventually, justice was achieved and the author is now able to move on and live a life of freedom ensuring her own sons and daughters enjoy freedom themselves.Throughout, this book is exceptionally well written leaving me gripped throughout from early morning through to the early hours of the following day with only the shortest breaks reluctantly taken for meals. It is the first book ever that I have read cover to cover in one sitting but I had to keep going because it was so compelling.For anyone interested in Indian culture when things go badly wrong and lead to honour killings, ie murder, then this book is enthralling reading - and it's all true. Afterwards, I Googled the names and read the press accounts which included photos confirming it wasn't a story but horrifying reality.

Gripping from start to finish. A very honest account of a lady who has sacrificed so much to please others and someone who put her own life at risk in order to get justice. Truly remarkable read, thank you for highlighting in deferences in communities which still exist today. There is no shame in telling the truth! I hope that more people will have the power to speak out after reading this book.Thank you for sharing your story.

Really enjoyed this book, at times I did find it frustrating that the women could not sand up to the horrible mother in law unless they paid a price, howeve this is because it's a different culture and what's seen as ok in theirs was not in mine. I wanted to jump in the book at times and give the mother in law a piece of my mind. For this reason I give it 4 stars, it gripped me from the start and was very emotional read. I felt for the main character.

I could not put this book Down, the poor ladies that go through this life everyday. Well done for bringing it to the attention of everyone and standing up to these people. So brave.

This book is outstanding. I could not put it down. Sarbjit is a powerful woman to stand upto her husband and his family. She went through hell trying to get justice and I hope it has made her religion change their ways and let the children marry who they want so that they can be in a happy marriage. Her Mother-in-Law and Brother-in-Law are very evil people to do what they did, and deserve to go to prison. Sarbjit's husband should have been there for her, but understand he was frightened of his own mother and brother. If he had been there for Sarbjit I do think they would still be married. I sincerly hope that Sarbjit can have a peaceful and happy life with her children. Keep the good work up you are doing with the police. I did cry reading this book as I could not believe how evil people can be to their own. I know all the places that Sarbjit has lived as I was brought up in Sudbury, Middlesex and know the areas well. Good luck Sarbjit in everything you do. Love and Best Wishes Dot Miller. (Holland) (Born in Sudbury, Middx. December 1946. (Ethnic. White) I have recommended book to all family and friends to read.

This heartbreaking true story describes the horror inflicted and the poisonous bullying and disregard for life. The courage to fight for the truth and justice for the victim and to stand up against all the odds to the evil within

It’s an emotionally hard read, and it is very much worth the read. The book is written in a very thoughtful way.

Reading this story, although known to me, from a different perspective - sad and emotional

I hardly know where to start with my review, so I'll just say up front to buy the book if you care at all about women world wide.Easy to read, well written and dare I say it was an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Shamed is not all that shocking to me because I have lived it, although not to the point of the disappearance or murder of anyone I know. Shaming women into subliminal slavery is not just limited to the Sikh culture, it is riddled in every single religion world wide. Including the Christian one westerners are so proud to wave like flag of freedom to free will. Inserted in the western christian culture is the same idea that woman are not to be believed, they are less credible than any man (ask a rape victim), and still earn a far less wage than our male counterparts. Women bear the burden of not only raising children our men abandon without a second thought in too many cases, but to have to work at a fraction of the salary and keep a household together. If a child is in trouble, shame on the mother. Always. Men are given a free ride and it's time women (like me) spoke up against the loss of our sex for the last 2000 years. In my culture, when a woman approaches middle age she is not so sexy, and are often abandoned as television and internet porn incite men to like younger and younger women. Don't get me wrong, women can be guilty too of their own violent reactions to life circumstances. Child molestation is happening to one in two girls by a family friend or relative! No one is listening. Not until the girl is on the streets with a needle in her arm.I blame both men and women for keeping the hate on women alive.Sarbjit you took me on a wild ride there, with all of your thoughts and impressions of what was going on I found myself getting angry with you. If you were consciously aware of what was happening how could you keep the lies alive? Time and time again I had solutions for you, but you took none of them. Then I had to get into understanding your upbringing, and understand just how trapped you were into believing you were powerless. Your lack of television, western friendships, and interrupted education kept you from understanding how the justice system works gives me much sympathy for you and makes your story and my story different, and so I was able to continue, hoping upon hope that the end of your story would satisfy me. It certainly did.My book, called Evil Eyes, A Daughter's Memoir has no hero. Today I am estranged from the entire family I grew up with and am left to live my old age with the knowledge that everyone out there still thinks I am the liar. They know my story but will never agree to read my book as my own mother made sure I was the enemy across all family members and I am simply not to be believed. I am also the daughter of a psychopath, my father, and she made sure everyone believes that I am his daughter in every nasty way. I love you because you are one of the few who so succinctly described the workings of the emotional manipulator. They are masters at whipping their targets with fear and shame to ensure their own nasty agenda can be achieved. My mother finally died in 2009 but her shame on me lives on and so I had to escape. I mean, not in the way you did but by just not trying anymore. I will never get the validation you were able to achieve in your story and my family will always believe (or claim) I am the bad one. I was there with you when you learned the verdict while leaning against the brick wall. I felt your freedom and am not going to lie, I had a little cry over that because my story is one I must live alone with. Thank God for your wise mother and father, and their clear love for you in spite of their own cultural conditioning.I applaud your faith in your religion still. I cannot. I have no faith in a religion where God only speaks to men. The holy bible in the Christian religion has been re-written time and time again depending on the leaders of the times and they were also men. And yet if you question a book or a chapter or a word you are told "God wrote it." Really? Really??? You may think western women are freer, and we have more liberties and rights than your own culture offers. This is true on the surface. Underneath is an underlying message that women are bling. Ornaments to be treasured like gold as long as they look good and sexy. My awakening to the realities of women's issues world wide started in my own Christian upbringing. I know Jesus inside and out, I know what his teachings meant and how they were like magic in transforming old thought. He was suppose to be the 'good news' and instead they took his name and make a mockery of him and his entire message. They made him God, and the Jesus I know would have been horrified to know that. Try telling a 'trained Christian' who believes a virgin gave birth to the Christ (because a dirty women would never do, would she?) to go ahead and pray directly to God, Jesus won't mind. You can't, it is so embedded here that to even say Jesus was a prophet whose message is important would be asking for trouble. I am unable to speak up in any venue other than atheist one's, and I am not an atheist. I have a deep understanding of what Jesus was saying to the people of the times and how we can all live such healthier, happier lives if we replaced fear, hate, shame, and envy with unconditional love for everyone. More wars are started and finished in the name of religion I am baffled as to how asleep we are. We let it happen.And, this is another point I really wanted to make; my freedom came from an understanding that I am responsible for all of my own mistakes and my happiness in this life's journey. That if I do not acknowledge where I went wrong in my thinking I cannot heal myself. I was so angry over the lack of belief that my stepfather was sexually abusing me that I lost myself in some way. Then it came to me, very loud, -- I did not speak up. I sense I must speak up now more than ever. And sadly the west is not ready to hear there is an epidemic of child molestation going on and no one wants to look. The girls will not come forward for their own fear and shame over themselves. Our society is so sick (like yours) we are creating addicts at an alarming rate. Mental illness is at an all time high because no one wants to see the truth in anything anymore. We are being manipulated by television and politicians into thinking one way...and it is entirely the wrong way to think! How people do not know simple right from wrong is beyond me, but I fear the truth is lost in the lies of the evil and most (most!) people are willing to let that happen as they ignore what is going on in their own homes, churches, and schools. We label kids and then drug them! It's crazy, the world is crazy, and being a sensitive person with innate knowledge of right and wrong, this feels like hell sometimes. In fact, the more I wake up, the more I suspect our future is in jeopardy everywhere because everyone wants to stay asleep. I can see exactly how you didn't speak up in your circles, and I can see how so many women are left to fiend in the world for themselves if they dare speak up as well. It is not just in your culture, I want to impress upon you.I am reading all sorts of books coming out of the middle east on the fate of women in Muslim cultures. I am so pleased with your book about the Sikh and Indian culture, but I know it is a lot worse than even you have indicated for girls and women in India still. Now you know Canada and America are equally sick, just in different ways that work better on how we are conditioned. We are free, but we are holding up the hole dang system on our backs with shame to make sure we stay down. All one has to do is look at who is in government and heads of financial corporations to see this. All one has to do is to see a famous actor can drug and rape 50 women and ruin their lives, and not be held accountable. Women are being murdered by domestic violence at alarming numbers but shhhhh, we are free!I would have loved to have met you. I was born in Vancouver where your older sister lives and know the style of houses the indian people build here. I know the women are treated like slaves even here, and we do nothing with our own laws to protect them. I know why the police ignored your two calls for help. You are just a women in the UK as you are in India. That is the truth, and that is what must change. I hope you keep speaking up, and as you go along I hope you get even braver. I'm trying still, but it is exhausting when you stand alone. I know you know that.Best wishes my friend. My heart and your heart meet together in the knowledge that our spirits do know the difference in what is right, and what is wrong. As we both awaken may we find peace in knowing that our granddaughters may have a chance if we continue to work to make women as valuable as men in all sectors and cultures. Why not?I do wish you all of the best and thank you for sharing your amazing story!CherylannHave to add a story I hope you don't mind: I had some very good Sikh friends in the early 1980s. I lived in a suite of their home. These beautiful souls did not bring all of the Sikh culture with them from what I witnessed. For the first time I was friends with people from anywhere other than Canada. Peter and Ginger were a very nice family and even babysat for me on weekends as I worked two jobs trying to keep a home for my small child. Peter told me his family were very wealthy and had girl slaves (sex and house servants without pay) in India. He told me it was common to import them from other poorer areas. He actually was the one to initially inspire me to get to know other cultures other than first dress impressions. I asked him why so many East Indian men molested hitchhikers (it was safe at one time and the only trouble I had when I hitched a ride seemed to come from E.Indians) and he said because Indians 'see' and believe western women are all easy. He would be right and wrong compared to his culture. We are allowed to choose our men for the most part and don't appreciate unasked for pawing.Here is the beauty of the story with Peter and Ginger. After two years they bought another house and told me they rented the upstairs suite to four young men! I was horrified and angry and thought I would have to move for sure, as I was a hard working 23 year old with a child to raise, and in no mood to put up with single young guys out of the house for the first time. Long story short, one of the young single men turned out to be my husband of 25 years. We divorced in 2010 after our marriage couldn't sustain after a trauma I won't get into here.I feel like I know you dear woman. I have traveled the world, but did not make it to Asia, except Asia Minor in 2005. I wouldn't ever go to India. I know you know why :)

Une vie de femme mariée vécue dans la peur. Ppur y mettre fin, Sarbjit a finalement eu le courage de témoigner du meurtre de sa belle-soeur devant un tribunal.

Provides an in-depth look at the cultural clash for Indians residing in Western countries and what happens when there are value clashes and rebellion. A must read for those working in communities with significant Indian immigrant populations.