Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

This book began well. I was really indentifying with the authors descriptions and his opinion. Then he lost me when he said homosexuality is a PROBLEM that often crops up with unsafe people. I tried to excuse the ingnoant inclusion of homosexuality with alcoholism and drug dependency but it really had a very negative effect. The end of the book really didn’t offer any advise but to befriend Christians. Disappointing...

I read Boundaries by the same authors a few years back, and it made a tremendous difference in my life. I just finished Safe People tonight, and it is also a great book; I'm glad I read it. The authors write in an easy-to-read, straightforward, and relatable manner. They use examples of their own failings and lessons learned, as well as many case studies. The advice given is backed by scriptural references, albeit a bit of a stretch in certain area.For me, what I found helpful, was getting a glimpse at what "normal" or "healthy" should look like. That will sound strange to anyone who is already coming from a healthy background, but probably resonate with anyone who isn't. I often have huge conflict over whether a scenario is a healthy situation or not -- whether I'm the perpetrator, or not. This book helped to provide some clarity and set the stage for building a healthy relationship mentality.There are drawbacks/limits to this book, however. As some reviewers pointed out, this will not be adequate if you have been in a psychologically abusive relationship. I was in a serious relationship with someone who met the criteria laid out in this book as a "Safe Person" -- in fact, a shining example. And the church I was attending at the time was also a great example of a "Safe Church", and I was connected to people who mostly qualified as "Safe People" -- if one is checking things off the list. However, that man was an abusive liar and the church did not behave safely in the end. There's a part of me that is glad I hadn't read this book while going through that relationship, because I likely would have stayed chained to him much longer and suffered much greater damage. I would have continued to think I was the problem (as he said) and not him, and I would have caved under the pressure of my "friends" and the inaction of the church leadership. So, if you believe you are dealing with something "extra", I would go with your gut and seek out additional guidance.A lot of the advice in this book feels exhilarating and empowering while reading it, but a few hours later I start thinking through how to actually apply it, and I feel stumped. I don't necessarily think this is a failure on the book -- there is only so much it can answer, and it does make it clear that you must seek God's wisdom and that you may need either group or individual counseling. However, a lot of the stuff seemed to be separated by hairline degrees -- and left me very confused. Especially towards the end, where the emphasis was on keeping relationships/working through them, even though they were "unsafe". Knowing myself and my history, this was really confusing and terrifying.I would also add that if you have an additional "condition", such as in my case Autism Spectrum Disorder, you will likely not be able to fall back on the same common sense judgements as the book intends you to be able to discern.Still glad I read it, and I do recommend it.

I have read many books by Dr cloud and find his writing brilliant. This book in my opinion started very well in identifying unsafe people which was fantastic. Next section was on us and if we are unsafe ourselves and how to work on ourselves to overcome this. I thought this part was fantastic too even though it’s hard to accept ones own faults and taking courage and steps to fix them is difficult. I learned a lot and loved this section as well. I didn’t like the last part of the book however it didn’t finish as strong as the book started. It sort of tells you to keep loving and giving and forgiving. Which is kinda forgetting the first two parts of the book and the reason we picked up the book in the first place. I understand the authors want us not to blame others, take responsibility, change ourself first, not to give up quick on relationships, work hard on them. But the reason most people pick up this book is that they have done most of those things and now they feel like they are stuck. I think they should have given more tools as to how to deal with unsafe people besides giving and giving and forgiving and working harder on it. I believe once you’ve done all that and no result you have to choose safe people and surround yourself with them instead. Regardless great book.. I’ll still hold on to the lessons I learned in the first two sections.I also felt like there was a lot of redundancy and same concepts repeating over and over. Maybe because there was two authors involved. They were repeating the same concept over and over again. It’s a great read overall. I recommend it.

I would not have purchased this book if I had realized all the biblical references. Personally disappointed.would not recommend this book.

I ordered this book and also ordered Boundaries by the same author. I read this book first and it's exactly what I needed. I'm in my 60's and my family relationship have been, and are, very dysfunctional. Reading this book has helped me immensely, it gave me many answers I had as to why people behave the way they do, and why I struggle with that behavior. It's easy to read, lots of examples but not too much info that you get bogged down in.

Love love love this book! Read it in two days between chasing after my toddler and packing for moving. So worth the time and investment! Bought a used version and there's nothing wrong with it.It's a very comprehensive study of what makes people dangerous to others, what makes us pick the wrong people, how to identify and pick the right people and when the relationships are worth repairing vs. severing. It makes you look at yourself more than anything to make sure you fix the problem within first.It is geared towards Christians and has a lot of Bible references, but whether or not you take the Bible to heart, the book is completely applicable to anybody who has ever went through a bad relationships and wants to make sure it never happens again.

A good manual to find people that build you up rather than tear you down. Good directives for everyone. You don't have to like everyone and everyone will not like you but it helps you to realize that that's ok. A good book for everyone.

Excellent book on identifying and dealing with toxic people. Also tells how to recognize a safe person and gets into some discussion on boundaries in relationships. Another great book by these authors!

This book arrived today. It is a Christian book. There are quotes from the bible all the way through it. As a non-believer the book wasn’t for me. There were some insights I found useful but I wouldn’t recommend this book unless you are a Christian.

I am glad I found this book!!The language, descriptions are very clear, concise and afer initial reading I easily recognised patterns of some unsafe or truly toxic people around me.The book helped me to recognised some of these patterns in myself ,and what to do in order to get rid of them and lead more healthy, assertive life .Very helpful, insightful , positive book.!I bought additionally some books on codependency as it complements this book perfectly, Many of toxic or unsafe people come from unloving,destructive families ,and are themselves the victims of toxic parenting like myself. This book is full a good advice, solutions. It simply is A LITTLE GEM!!!It gave me a lot of confidence I lacked when dealing with toxic people.But most importantly I got finally rid of an awful feeling of guilt eating my heart away each time I tried to limit or avoid toxic people.As a Christian , I know now that it is ok to avoid , limit or cut off completely some unhealthy people fom my life and still be ok with it.I highly recommend this book. : )

This book was so amazing, I could notice my personal growth in my self and my personal environment each time I listened again on the audible to and from work. I have made changes to my life now that make me feel safe in a way that I never had before. Thank you for your supportive style and knowledge share and humility making this a book I would go back to again and again.

For those who has never met the safe people, so naturally would not be able to recognise them if they would stand next to them, it will be a good guidance of what safe people really are. How they behave, how they think and how happy they can make you feel.They make you feel happy, because with safe people it is OK to make mistakes, to admit to them and to learn how to fix them - they help you, and not reject you, if this makes sense.This book grew my awareness and provided a motivation to became a safe person as well.

Excellent book to read, will separate the chaff from the wheat in your life. Will strengthen you and teach you how to say no to people that are not good for you and may help you attract the right safe people into your life. You have to do the work though.