When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love

I found it very informative and insightful. If you’re familiar with The 5 Love Languages and liked discovering yours and others, this book follows same approach, learning why when “you” say sorry, why the other person might not feel you really meant it because you’re not apologizing how they need in order to believe it’s genuine.

I love this book because it is simple and easy to read. It covers the basics without going into lofty flights of prose and thought. Just what you need to do, and that's it. That doesn't mean taking action is easy, but their goal is give you understanding as simply as possible.This is not a theology book. It's a practical how-to book. You'll find some Scriptures, and it's written from a Christian worldview, but mainly Thomas and Chapman draw on their years of counselling experience. The facts of sin and repentance are already assumed; they're out to tell you how to put that knowledge to practical use. They had a lot of stories with couples, singles, young and old, family and friends, to give a wide scope of how these principles work. I found the life experience aspect a refreshing inclusion.In some ways this book was a hard, hard read. I have an extremely tender conscience, with an extreme perfectionism streak. This makes it difficult to accept messing up, while at the same time I don't like ignoring what I've done wrong. It is difficult to go through the apology process, but the older I get, the more I want an authentic, growing relationship with Christ and with family and friends. In that sense, it was convicting.On the other hand, some of it was incredibly healing. The author duo explain that it's not wrong to want justice, as long as you handle that desire righteously. Nor does forgiveness mean that your memory is wiped of the event. Nor should you allow people to manipulate you with poor and insincere apologies.Nor should you implode and refuse to forgive yourself.As for the apology languages themselves? Oftentimes the way you give an apology is your personal language. So think of the last one you gave, and what you said--any of the phrases up top ring with you? My apology language is Expressing Regret, with Accepting Responsibility being a close second. (Though in rare cases I feel pretty strongly about Making Restitution.)I appreciated this teaching, would highly recommend it, and hope to read it again. I think I'll need some time to fully process it; but I was so blessed by When Sorry Isn't Enough, and I hope you will be too.

TLDR version: If you're a human being, like myself, you make mistakes. In fact, you probably make mistakes, just like I do, every day. But how often do you actually reconcile those mistakes? What impact does that have on your interpersonal relationships? This book is a great guide to navigating that, but also to be more in tune with the language of apology and repentance (not in a religious facet). I'd say that this isn't a silver bullet, but should be coupled with counseling if you have important personal relationships in real jeopardy.More detail:This book analyzes apologies and pushes you towards understanding not only the value of a good apology, but how to make sure you're most effective in delivering that apology. To be clear, this isn't a book that teaches you how to lie through an apology and get away with things, but a book that teaches you (with examples) how to deliver a sincere apology and what happens next. It goes through several hangups that may be stopping you from reconciling with loved ones, and is realistic about what to expect after.Keep in mind that this isn't a silver bullet or a step-by-step guide on how to reconcile, but it certainly gives you a good framework to go from. There's an aspect of self-discovery involved, and even after the apology, this book is clear that you're at the mercy of the recipient of your apology, so no false promises of being forgiven right away (or even at all!).Now, the less than awesome (at least in my mind). This book assumes some level of Christian faith, and while that's not always a bad thing in moderation, this veers over towards more of a religious counselor style book at times. If you're not Christian, portions of this book that use examples from the Christian texts may bore or just water the point of the story being told down. Ignore the religious aspects and focus on what the moral of the story being told is, and you'll get through it.

I wrote an apology letter to a girl I once dated a year and half ago but left her the letter on her car two weeks before her and I graduated with our AA Degree and never see eachother again. And even though I apologized to her a 9 months ago, and she claimed to accpet the apology she really didnt. we were up and down after that every day. The way I originally apologized was nothing like the book had stated, I said I was sorry and made an excuse for saying what I did and then accused her for also saying hurtful things. The book taught me that there is a science an Art to apologizing and because of me using the words this book suggested, as well as the order of the apology I wrote in the letter! she was completely surprised that I took full responsibility and how I acknowledge her feelings.The last two weeks of school, I did not hear from her until she contacted me through Facebook and wrote me a long message, let me add we are not friends on facebook. Based on the message, it showed my letter had made a positive impact. and we graduated later that day. The next day I ran into her at a grad party and she walked up to me and said "Hello, then my name" and hugged me! Shes ignored almost all year at school. I am thankful for the book, so now I feel peace in my heart, that I expressed how sorry I was for saying hurtful things behind her back and now we can both move on with closure that weve been seeking all year. New school, New jobs for us, and who knows maybe new loves.

I thought this would be a solid read after the reviews but between being too "godly" and slow to get to some of the good stuff, I am going to shelf this for now. May circle back to it but yea, it is going to enjoy some time in the pile o' books.Sorry, not sorry.

Well written with useful examples

As anyone involved in counselling quickly learns, the frequent key to unlocking deep-seated inner damage, so it can be healed, is through seeing the need to forgive others whom we have hitherto held fast in our anger and resentment. But even this recognition does not mean the act of repentance will be sincere or complete. There are many levels of "sorry", from the insincere "Oh, sorry!!" (that suggests there isn't even a problem) to "I'm sorry that you feel..." (which suggests it's the other person's fault for feeling what they feel). Chapman and Thomas helpfully outline the different kinds of "sorry", which, like layers of an onion, lead to the true heart of issues and thereby - at last - open the possibility of release.

Another good book by Dr Gary Chapman. He has a really wonderful method of presenting important life issues in simple words. The five apology languages presented in the book may not come to you as surprise, but will certainly expand your horizon to recognise where an apology is needed, and how you could formulate it effectively. I had personally tried to apologise to a colleague using a few languages discussed in the book... not only did I surprise her by my efforts at resorting the relationship, but she too apologised. Apologising is a sign of strength, not weakness.

This Author has written many books and articles about relationships and how to move through various issues and this book does not disappoint.Great fir therapists to offer to couples clients and for anyone hoping to find a way through their needs when someone has hurt them or how to apologise with meaning to another person.