The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

This book is an all-time best-selling classic in the field of relationship counseling. The interesting thing however, is that if couples would read this book early-on in their relationship... even before getting married (as my wife and I did)... there might not be so much need for relationship counselors in the first place. The tragic mistake that so many people make, as outlined in this book, is that they try to express love for their mate in a way that is exactly how they would want love expressed to them. The intent is good there, it is after all an attempt to "do unto others as you would have done unto you". The problem lies not with the intent, but with the execution. For example, if a man appreciates "words of affirmation" from his wife (having his wife say every day that she loves or admires him)... and he reciprocates by offering his wife similar "words of affirmations" ... that may not be the particular "Love Language" that his wife appreciates. She might, for example, more appreciate "Quality Time" (spending time talking with her), or "Acts of Service" (getting that chore list done for here) much more-so that just words. Or... vice-versa... it varies according to the emotional makeup of each individual. The main message here is that in a loving relationship, it is not enough to do unto others as you would have done unto you... one must go beyond that to do unto others as they would prefer that you do unto them... and that requires more understanding and work that just "being nice".Although this example is not given in the book, I think the best example of this dynamic is a story a pastor once told me about a 75-year old man and woman who had been married for 50 years. Every morning the man lovingly cut off the END piece of a fresh loaf of bread and gave it to his wife, while he took an INTERIOR piece of the bread loaf for himself. After 50 years, the wife could no longer contain her secret resentment, and she yelled "Why do you always give me that crusty END piece, and take a nice soft inside piece for yourself!?" The old man paused a moment, and as tears welled up in his eyes, he said to his wife, "Dear, the end piece is my favorite part. I have been giving the end piece to you all these years because I thought surely it must also be your favorite part." How very sad. The man had been sacrificing needlessly, out of love, when if the couple had just had better communication, they could have EACH been enjoying their respective favorite parts of the bread loaf, with no need for such sacrifice. Even more sad... all those years of needless resentment festering within the wife, who thought her husband was being selfish, when he was actually being self-sacrificing.The moral of this story: discover what your mate's "love languages" are, and love them how they want to be loved... not how you assume they want to be loved, just because that's how you want to be loved. And as a real though-provoking side-note: if you are not married yet... try to find a mate whose "love languages" are basically the SAME as yours... and then, you can just do what comes naturally, without having to worry about such things very much. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking a lasting and loving relationship with their spouse.

A good book, lots of things I never knew.

Bought used...looks brand new.Amazing author and perfect advise for couples.

This is a very good book for anyone who is in a relationship that is basically healthy and sound. Or for individuals looking to enter into a relationship, who are emotionally healthy. Basically the book explains that due to people's individual personality preferences, upbringings, etc., we all have a certain preference for a certain "language" of love - we most value the way our partner shows us they care for us in a certain way, such as physical affection, words of affirmation, or acts of service. It explains that learning which one your partner most values is very important in a relationship, so that you can focus on doing/saying those things to make your partner happy.This book was released years ago, so it does feel a bit dated in that respect. There are far more self help books about relationships now than there were when this book was released, that address relationships in a more complex and comprehensive way. But this book is still valuable for its underlying message. But, this book is only for a certain amount of people, as I mentioned in the beginning of this review. It is for people who are already in a reasonably healthy relationships, who have the capacity to be generous and put their partner first, and compromise, for the good of the relationship. If you are in a relationship with a person who is emotionally stunted, selfish, narcissistic, doesn't show you often enough in any type of way that they care for you - this book won't help you at all. Even if you learn your partner's "love language" and adjust your behavior to do/say the things that most make your partner feel happy and loved, if they're not doing the same for you, you're going to be frustrated and unhappy, and this book won't help at all.

I purchased this book a few years back and truly enjoyed it.Just came across it and decided to read again.LOVED it the second time as much as the first. Helps you understand those around you so much better.