The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Child's Sleep

When my daughter was about 4 months old I read Pantley's first book,  The No-Cry Sleep Solution  and it was just what I needed as a first time mom to get my baby to sleep well at night and during naps. My loved ones with kids either told me to let her cry it out, or they didn't have any advice since they can't get their kids to sleep either. I was desperate to find a method that would work for me without having to make my daughter cry. NCSS helped me with that.I used a combination of what I read in NCSS and the sleep chapter in  Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting  and my daughter has been sleeping for 12 hours a night with no wakeups since she was about 5 months old. The only time she wakes up in the night or when we have trouble getting her to bed is when she is sick. Even then she does very well and still only wakes up 1-2 times a night.The reason why I bought this book after I was done with the other one is because now that my daughter is a toddler I think it is important for her to learn how to sleep without a parent rocking her for hours and singing every song we know. In NCSS I learned how to relax my child to help her sleep. Now I want my child to learn to do it herself, the way older children and adults do.I feel that its important for a child to learn to get themselves to sleep by themselves, by thinking of pleasant things or singing themselves songs or whatever until they drift off. I didn't learn that skill as a child, and for years I had trouble laying down to sleep. The only way I knew to get myself to sleep was to fall asleep while reading. If I read a book that was too interesting, I'd end up reading all night. I did badly in school and I was always tired and cranky. I did not learn how to use relaxation techniques to fall asleep until I was well into adulthood. I don't want that for my child. I bought this book because I was hoping to find tips on how to gently teach children to relax themselves to sleep.In The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers most of the book is taken from her previous book. Basically saying that most or possibly all of your bedtime issues will be solved by having a consistent routine. Okay, yes, fine... I knew that. I read the other book... Almost all of the sleep tips for when the child wants to stay up and play, or keeps asking for one more book, or one more drink of water, or whatever are to stick to the routine or make the routine longer or whatever. But let's be honest, the perfect routine isn't going to work every single night. I need more than that. There is nothing on what to say or do if for whatever reason the routine just fails to work that one night. In these cases I end up assuming that my daughter just wants to spend more time with me before going to sleep, and for now that is fine. We read another book, or sometimes end up starting the routine all over again. But one day soon she will HAVE to go to sleep at a certain time and wake up at a certain time to be ready for school. If she didn't sleep because I kept giving in to requests/demands then its my fault that she's sleepy. Now is the time for her to be learning these skills.There are literally no suggestions for those of us with toddlers who literally fight sleep. As in, kicking and screaming, or even hitting and biting. My (now 2 years old) toddler is going through a control freak phase and settling down to go to sleep to her means relinquishing control, and she literally fights against it. She cries and screams and ends up sobbing in the floor, sometimes crying herself to sleep. No matter how gentle the lullaby or how long we rock her, she still is distraught and afterwards I am exhausted and stressed. Even if we do her bedtime routine perfectly, this still happens. And Pantley has no suggestions for that. Only after many discussions with other parents and my daughter's pediatrician did we work out a solution.The section of the book I disliked the most was what to do when basically you want to put your child in the bed, say goodnight, and know your child is going to go to sleep on his or her own without issues. There were no tips. None. Basically Pantley wants you to explore the reasons why you would want to be able to put your child down to sleep without sitting there reading 5-6 or books, nursing for 20 minutes, then rocking and bouncing and shushing for half an hour and then putting the child in the bed once she's asleep and then creeping away. All of the reasons given in the book were worded in a guilt inducing way. There's nothing to feel guilty about. I should be able to expect my child to lay down in her bed and go to sleep the same way that I do. Its a perfectly natural part of growing up. I don't have anything against sitting there and rocking her. In fact, I treasure those moments because during the day she is running around non-stop and that's the only time I get any cuddles. But she needs to learn to sleep without all that stuff, in spite of my personal hang ups. Pantley makes this sound like a crime against humanity. I believe toddlers are 100% capable of learning this skill, and it isn't too much to ask at all. I also don't think I'm a bad mother for wanting her to be capable of getting to sleep without needing me. There is something desperate and co-dependent about needing her to need me. She will never learn how to do things on her own, and thrive as an adult if I need her to need me. Part of growing up is learning to sleep like an adult and its my job to teach her to do that, just like all the other skills she must learn for herself.Since I got nothing I needed from this book, I am kind of making it up as I go along. To help my daughter get more involved in her bedtime routine (and help her feel more in control of her own life) I decided to switch her to a toddler bed at 16 months. I double checked all the baby proofing and converted her crib to a toddler bed. I showed it to her and showed her how easy it would be to crawl in and out on her own. She loves it and we haven't had any problems. We have not gotten to the point where I can put her to bed fully awake, but I do put her to bed when she's drowsy. She is a tummy sleeper and I lay her down on her back and she rolls over and falls asleep on her belly without a fuss. Sometimes she says, "nigh nigh" and then falls asleep which is adorable.Right now our routine is the same as when she was a little baby. Bathtime, dim lights, put on pjs and brush teeth etc, we tell her stuffed animals and baby dolls goodnight (she has a baby doll cradle and she loves rocking her dolls to sleep), read 1-4 books (depending on length of book) while listening to soft music and drinking milk. Then once she is drowsy (awake but head kind of flopping around and struggling to keep her eyes open) I lay her down on the bed. If she whines and gets upset I hold her for a while and tell her that she's in a safe place and we can hear her on the monitor if she needs us, but that its night time and all her friends are asleep and now its her turn. We also tell her that big girls go to sleep at night time without fussing. I talk to her about all the nice things she will get to do the next day so that she has pleasant things to think about, and I tell her that me and her daddy love her very much. Sometimes I name off all the people that love her. By that time she is settled down a lot and I lay her back down and she goes to sleep just fine. I am hoping that over time her bedtime routine will shorten naturally and one day I'll be able to say, "Alright its bedtime" and she'll climb in bed and I can cover her up and kiss her goodnight and be able to leave her room without a fight.---------UPDATEUpdating as now my daughter is 27 months now and things have changed a bit.I still maintain that little can be gained from reading this if you've already read the first NCSS for babies. If you've never read it and have a toddler, I'm positive that this will help. But even after trying all the tips from both books my toddler still fights sleep. Really hard. She is the Mike Tyson of fighting sleep. But after doing the described routine for months we have gotten to a point where she understands that she is going to sleep at some point. She is old enough to understand that she needs sleep to be healthy. We say, "You need to sleep to get back the energy you used while playing today." and "Your body needs to rest to feel good." We got her board books on naptime and bedtime which also helped to explain these concepts in language toddlers can understand.Our routine (for bedtime and naps) now is this:- Bathtime, brush teeth, potty.- Quiet play and clean up with dimmed lights and classical music. We also warn that bedtime is drawing nearer by saying "10 more minutes til bedtime" until we count down from 10 seconds.- Potty one more time, put on pajamas, pick out a stuffed animal and books to read. Turn off music and dim lights more.- Get snuggled in bed and read 4-6 books depending on length and sleepiness.- Turn out lights, sing songs. This is when she used to be rocked to sleep. Now she gets mad if we try to rock her and says she's a big girl and wants to lay down on her own. At this point she begins to fight sleep and start kicking off covers, asking for things to stall for time, trying to tuck in her bear 50 times, telling us she has to pee and then when we get to the bathroom she sits there for 20 minutes and never pees... etc. We roll with it since we know she's stalling and remind her that she needs to go to sleep. After a certain point she will lay in bed and listen to me sing and fall asleep.From the time she lays down in bed to the time I walk out the door takes about 15-45 minutes. Much shorter than the 2 1/2 hours we used to spend at naptime and bedtime.We have gotten to a point where every once in a while, she will lay down on her own and fall asleep. Or when she gets tired she will go sit on her bed and look at books, and I can come in there and just watch her, ask if she's sleepy and she'll just nod her head. So I can cover her up and she'll go to sleep. This is great because this means she's getting that she needs rest, and resting can be an enjoyable part of her day. She actually likes to sit quietly and lay quietly and talk to herself now, so I think we are close to being able to say goodnight and trust her to stay in bed.In a few months we are going to switch her to a twin bed, since she is nearly too tall for her toddler bed. I am hoping by that time she will be more comfortable with going to sleep.

Our 3-year old son used to be a champion sleeper, sleeping 11 hours overnight with 2-hour daytime naps but about 6 months ago He stopped sleeping well. He started using delay tactics and his sleep would be delayed too - it would take him an hour to fall asleep! Eventually he started waking up early too, shortening his sleep even further. We kept hoping he would snap back to his "normal" sleep behaviour but he just got worse. We tried many different things, such as a later bed time or taking his stuffed animals away if he asked to go potty but didn't go or asking him why he wasn't sleeping but nothing worked. A few months ago behavioural issues started creeping up and he started misbehaving at school too. It was hard to determine if his increased defiance was due to a lack of sleep or the fact that he was being a 3 year old. Whatever the case, our situation was getting stressful. I was sleep deprived and increasingly cranky too, frustrated to no end. I desperately needed help.I am so glad I bought this book! Not everything in it pertained to me or would pertain to everyone but there is enough relevant information for me to pick through and choose the right pieces to help my situation. It's not a step by step instruction book per se (because everyone's situation is different) and I think that's why it doesn't appeal to some people. It does require some self-analysis and the ability to objectively assess your own situation. Elizabeth Pantley offers facts and proven ideas. It is up to you to choose appropriately for your child. I found the information she provides highly useful and ultimately it worked for us! After 2-3 weeks of tweaking our bedtime routine here and there my son now is sleeping better and longer and best of all his behavioural issues have vastly improved due to more sleep! The number of temper tantrums have been cut dramatically. I can't recommend this book enough!The only negative I have is more about the Kindle version, not really about the book. There are various tables and charts (more than a few) throughout the book and on a Kindle it is not treated as text (but like a photo) so it is not sizeable. You'd need a magnifying glass to properly read the information on the charts/tables! I was not able to properly read them. It didn't affect me being able to use the book to help my child but just so parents know that on a Kindle you may lose the ability to view all of the book. Having said that, the portability of the Kindle and its ability to be easily read at night with the lights off made it easier for me to complete this book!

Lovely approach which seems very genuine especially considering the author has researched real life parents and children's experiences. Gives lots of insight in to how poor sleep can effect toddlers and how to see things from their perspective. I liked this in particular as it helped me stay connected to my son and keeping his needs my focus despite both of us being extremely sleep deprived!

Easy to read and during desperate times it was useful to have to provide some reassurance but nothing groundbreaking

This book is fabulous after reading the first one I purchased this to keep me sane

Highly recommended. Lots of do-able solutions and a good, easy read. The only sleep book you'll ever need and I have three kids, so have read lots!

some helpful tips, and great gentle ethos. My 2nd copy as my first copy wore out from being borrowed so much by friends.